|~The Whacked and the Wicked~|

|~Redefining Whacked~|

2006-03-10T16:20:00.001+08:00

UPDATES:

THE ISLAND IS CURRENTLY BEING MOVED TO WORDPRESS.

go to:

|~About Being LOST~|

2006-03-10T13:30:00.000+08:00

~ LOST in THE ISLAND of ~

summary: Flight 2006 of V-A-S-H-A airlines crashes into a not-so-unknown mass of land. All miraculously survive. Damn it.

warning: A parody of different characters from different films. A lampoon. It's so horrible. It's ridiculous. Whacked! Whacked! Whhhhhhhhacked!!!

film/shows incorporated: Lost. The Newlyweds. Starwars. Legally Blonde. Titanic. GMA7's Chikka Minute. Smallville. Arrested Development. Cast Away. House. The Matrix.The Joy Luck Club. Veronica Mars. The OC. One Tree Hill. The Wizard of Oz.

MAJOR DISCLAIMER: Characters from the above are not mine. Pictures used below are from google.

THE CAST

Jack as JAM CO

Sawyer as DREW FERNANDES

Sun as MARY KATE JOY dela CRUZ

Jin as ROBINSON KING

Hurley/Lois Lane as CAMS CARANDANG

Locke as VAL AVERIA

Sayid/Superman as MR MUNDA

Shannen/Empress Tzu Hsi as TARA SY

Ana Lucia/Trinity as ANNA CHUA

Kate as KARREN LOPEZ

Claire as MEA GUINHAWA

Pia Guanyo as APOL QUEJADA

Charlie / Anhhh-yahhh / Anakin a.k.a. "Darth Vader" as JOSEPH de JESUS

Mei-Mei / Chun- Li as SABRINA LIM UY

Veronica Mars as LEN MAMARADLO

Ethan as AMARISH

Nurse Lt. Evelyn Johnson as JACKY

Elle Woods/Brooke Davis as ISA DUMANDAN

Neo a.k.a. "The One" as DAVID LEE

Dr. Gregory House as TONIO BERROYA

Jesus Christ/Santana as RANDY

Tom Hanks as GV ABEJUELA

Mr. Solis as GABBY TIONGSON

Michael Bluth as MIKEL GARCIA

Lindsay Bluth Fünke as JEN SIMPAO

Tobias Fünke as CARLOS, CARLOS, JR.

Nick Lachey as HENRIK RESURRECCION

Jessica Simpson as CZARINA SAN PABLO

Hart Evangelista/Mrs. Rosales as ROCHELLE VERON

Rose DeWitt Bukater/Marissa as NINA CRUZ

Jack Dawson as JACOB CUSI

Guest Stars...

Ashely Olsen as CAT OBILLOS

Mary Kate Olsen as ARAM ZARATE

AGENT MARSHALL FLINKMAN as KAKAM GABUNADA

AGENT SYDNEY BRISTOW as JESSICA YAP

Bruiser/Toto as AKAMARU

Cameo appearances by:

The Mysterious People from The Island as ADI, PIPO LINA, and NIKKO ATIENZA

And introducting

Len Go as HERSELF

-----------
kiddies, note that the ones written in capital letters are the CHARACTERS. The ones which are not are the REAL people. I know, it's messed up, but try to get why it was done that way. Muahwahahaha. Only Len Go is real. See, whacked, whacked, whacked!

------------
03/10/06

DAY 1: The Island of Naboooh

*write your outrage. leave a comment. good day.

The Island of Naboooh

2006-03-10T13:29:00.000+08:00

Day 1: The Island of Nabooh

INT. V-A-S-H-A- AIRPLANE. - DAY

Screams. Chaos. The plane shakes and spins uncontrollably...

MEA
[crying]
DADDYYYYY! Mhuwaaaaa!

JAC
Miss, miss, it's okay. Captain Garcia will take of us.
[holds up his hand]
Do you trust me?

MEA
Huwaaat?!

From the back row...

NINA
[shouting]
I trust you!

The plane shakes...

MIKEL
Folks, this is Captain Garcia speaking. Just hold on to your seats and to your loved ones. Everything's going to be all right. Everything's going to be ---

The plane plummets...

MIKEL
Puchangina-syeeetttt! Mamamatay tayo!
[to control] Mayday, mayday, Lt. Solis, do you read me? We're off our course! We're off our ----

The plane's right wing dissappears in the air...

MEA
[tearful]
DADDYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!

Jac slaps her.

JAC
Ano ba?! Trust me nga eh!

MIKEL
[eyes widening]
Holy mother of God! We're gonna ----

A deafening sound as the plane crashes and the engine explodes.

Then silence.

EXT. NABOOOH SHORELINE - DAY

V-A-S-H-A Aircraft is in ruins. Everyone is bruised and bloodied. Smoke and fire rise from the left wing.

A small, innocent girl wearing a red cheongsam walks by. Confused. Disoriented. About to have a panic-attack.

BRINNIE
This is not happening. This is not happening. I'm gonna close my eyes and click my heels...

She closes her eyes and clicks her lily-foot-sized feet...

BRINNIE
There is no place like home...There is no place like home...

Her meditation is interrupted by a Dachshund trampling on her.

BRINNIE
WAHHH!

A sexy-foxy woman runs in slow-mo...

ISA
Bruiser! Bruiser! Don't run, we're not in Kansas anymore!

Bruiser barks and runs back to Isa.

ISA
Get off the little Chun-li look-alike! Bad dog!

She sexily pouts. Then offers a hand to Brinnie.

ISA
Are you okay? I hope you didn't break a nail or something...

Brinnie gets up and looks around, lip trembling.

BRINNIE
[crying]
Muaaaah! I'm still here! I'm sill here! Ahhh-hiii-yaaah? Ahhh-hiii-yaaah?

She walks away, still disoriented, leaving Isa and Bruiser behind.

ISA
[hollers to Brinnie]
Call me!

EXT. BASE CAMP - DAY
On the safe part of a beach, the captain and the crew stare at the crazed mob.

MIKEL
We have to do something...David? How's the transmitter?

DAVID
I'm still trying to get a signal.

He fiddles a box-shaped gadget with the letters S-O-N-Y imprinted on it.

DAVID
Damn, it won't work captain. [frowns] If only I had my shades, I'd see better...

EXT. MEDIC CAMP - DAY

By another corner at the beach...

JAM
I don't see why we can't coordinate.

TONIO
Ganito. Ako, head ako ng Diagnostic Team. Ikaw, surgeon. Magkaiba tayong fields.

JAM
But people need our help! People are dying!

TONIO
Sabi ng bigyan mo lahat ng Biogesic Paracetamol eh. Bakit mo ba ako kailangan? Magagamot mo naman lahat yan.

JAM
[shocked]
Dr. House!

TONIO
Sa mga challenging na sakit lang ako. Yung mga walang nakaka-solve. Okay?
Sige na, alis diyan, hahanapin ko pa yung batuta ko...

Limping, he leaves her. Jam is angry and turns to the girls.

JAM
No one likes to take the initiave? Fine. I'll be THE LEADER. Okay?

CAMS/JACKY/ANA/APOL
Okay!

JAM
First things first. Jacky, you'll be head nurse, try to check on the wounded. Be careful with the syringes. They. Are. Not. Play. Things.

JACKY
Yes, doc.

JAM
Also, we need a head count kung sino ang nag-survive. Cams, you take care of the manifest.

CAMS
[pulls out a notebook] On it.

JAM
Apol.

APOL
Yes?

JAM
Try to coordinate with David. See if may signal na from the blackbox. We need some live coverage. You have your mic with you?

APOL
[pulls out a mic] Always.

JAM
Okay, that's settled then. Go!

EXT. SHORELINE - DAY

By mid afternoon, the men and women and 1 child [Brinnie] seem to be all settled.

By the shore, 5 feet away from the crash site, 2 sexy women sunbathe.

A paranoid and pregnant Mea walks towards them.

MEA
Girls, all i'm saying is, kung ma-stu-stuck tayo dito for sometime, we have to know how to get food diba?

ISA
[pops on her shades]Sure! The guys can like, fish!

NINS
Yeah!

She puts on her SPF 1000+ sunblock.

NINS
Nandyan naman sina GV eh. They're used to like, the mountains and beaches right?!

MEA
Well, I still think we have to contribute. Let's be food-gatherers!

Isa blanches.

ISA
Eewwww, what's that?

MEA
You know, like before during the Neanderthal period? Men are the hunters and providers, women, the gatherers of veggies and fruits...

She lovingly carresses her swollen belly.

NINS
I think that's your maternal hormones kicking in...

MEA
Hmmm, tama ka.

She looks around at THE FOREST and her eyes brighten.

MEA
Is that...is that...

ISA
What is it?

MEA
[fascinated] A banana tree...

EXT. DEEP IN THE FOREST. BY THE WATER FALLS - DAY

The twins are laughing. Splashing water against each other. In their skimpy tanks and bikinis to show off their sexy ribs...

Suddenly, a RUMBLING SOUND...

ARAM
Ashley!

CAT-O
Yes, Mary Kate?

He is panting and horrified.

ARAM
The forest...it's ALIVEEEEEE!!!!!

They run for cover.

EXT. THE WOODS - DAY

MR
Anak ng baka! Ano yun?

JEN
It's nature's way of getting back at us! With all the illegal logging going on!

MR
As a primordial being with enhaned powers, naiisip kong kailangan parin natin magputol ng mga puno.

JEN
Um, excuse me?! What trees? I'm campaigning for "Save a Life, Save a Tree" program. Magagalit sainyo si Fr. David. And didn't you learn anything about the value of ALL living things from Jimeneeb? Hello?! Ako kaya highest sa orals? Tanong mo pa kay Cza!

MR
Eh paki ko ba!? Pag-umungol yang gubat na yan, at least ako may pana at bato!

He storms off.

BENSON
Emmm! Hintay!

He runs after MR, backpack bouncing.

EXT. MEDIC CAMP - DAY

Jam, the leader, is infuriated.

JAM
Um, excuse, I believe that's my tree log you're sitting on?

A tall male with an AUSTRALIAN accent turns and smiles at her.

DREW
Oh, sorry meh-mmm...

Jam is flustered and charmed.

JAM
It's okay. What are you doing here?

DREW
Just wanted to report. Most of the people have set up camp at a nearby cave.

JAM
A cave? That's good.

DREW
I've taken the liberty of gathering all the luggage.

JAM
Why's that?

DREW
[smirks]
I love to scavenge...

JAM
Ahh...errr. all right. So, anyone who needs supplies will have to go to you then.

He smiles and runs a hand through his hair.

DREW
'course...that's the idea.

He winks.

INT. CAVE - DAY

A young man and woman are fighting.

CZA
I don't wanna sleep here, it's too dark!

HENRIK
Hindi tayo pwede sa labas! Kita mo nang buhay tong gubat!

CZA
Fine!

She pouts and crosses her arms.

HENRIK
O, galit pa!

JR
[watching from a corner]
Tsk..newlyweds!

He struts away from the bantering couple, to the rocky part of the cave, serving as as a makeshift living room.

He sits on top a rock, shifts until he's comfortable. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and starts to meditate...

JR
I can feel...the earth...the sun...it's calling me...it's calling me...

Eyes closed. Lips pursed. He chants.

Perspiration starts to trickle down his temple...

JR
uhummmm....uhummmm...

A shadow behind his back. Someone creeping...

JOSEPH
OY!

JR falls from his seat. Surprised.

JR
Pare naman! [scratches his head] Sabi nang wag ka mangingiliti!

He raises his shirt and touches the sides of his stomach.

JR
Bumaon yang daliri mo sa gilid ko ah!

JOSEPH
Ah ganun ba? Sorry pare ha, di ko na madisciplina daliri ko eh. Tingnan mo.

Joseph raises his hand and both stare in awe of the fingers shaking uncontrollably.

JR
[husky] Pare...dude, tsong, heavy! Iba na yan ah...

JOSEPH
Di kaya ng walang hinahawakang yosi eh.

JR
Nasan na mga Winston mo?

JOSEPH
Eh nandun sa supplies camp ni Drew. Pare, pucha, gawin ba namang 'barter policy'?! Wala naman akong mabibigay.

Suddenly, a blinding light! A white figure with a halo appears...

RANDY
That's when you're wrong, my brothers...

Randy raises his right hand, with a gaping hole in the middle, blood spurting everywhere.

Joseph and JR grimace.

RANDY
Learning to love yourselves, is the greatest love of all...

JOSEPH/JR
OOohhhhh...

Randy smiles widely. White teeth shinning.

RANDY
That's right! Stay in school. Be cool. And don't do drugs. Aight?!

They high-five.

JOSEPH/JR
Aight!

RANDY
Peace out!

He dissappears.

JR
[awed] Whooah! Heaavy pare, heavy!

JOSEPH
This island is really creepy.

They nod.

JOSEPH
So, ano ibig sabihin ng mysterious haloed-figure with a beard? That I should what? Give myself to Drew? Barter myself for a box of yosi?

Jr scratches his goatee, thinking.

JR
Mukhang ganun na nga...

JOSEPH
Pero been there, done that na. Nag-downloadable love na kami kasami nina Tonio. Wala ba siyang natutunan about commodification?! Di pwede katawan ko, may pagbibigyan pa ko nito!

JR
Mukhang kailangan mo na mag-quit pare...

JOSEPH
Pare, that's so hard!

JR
[pats him] Pare, in life, everything is hard.

INSERT SHOT: Supplies Camp

Drew in shades lounging by the shores, drinking buko with a smile on his face, with Isa and Nina in bikinis dancing.

End shot.

JOSEPH
Pare, tulungan mo ko. Anong gagawin ko? Nanginginig na pati ibang daliri ko. Lalo na hinlalaki ko.

JR
[gives him a look]Anong malaki?!

He scoots away.

JR
Pare, sorry pero that's not my thing...

JOSEPH
Hinlalaki! Yung daliri sa paa! Eto naman, oh.

JR
Okay fine, solusyonan na natin ang addiction mo.

He scratches his goatee again.

JR
Kailangan kasi may gawin yang daliri mo para hindi manginig...ano kaya? Ahhh alam ko na!

JOSEPH
Talaga?! Ano pare?! Ano?

JR
Shhhh...close your eyes.

Joseph does as he's told.

JR begins to chant.

Joseph peeps.

JR
Pikit sabi!

JOSEPH
Sorry, sorry. Game na. Promise.

Chanting continues.

JR
Okay, open na.

Joseph slowly opens his eyes. And shinning before him...

JOSEPH
HOLY GUACAMOLE! It's, it's...

He pants in disbelief.

JR
Yes, your dream guitar. The Gibson Les Paul.

JOSEPH
The Jimmy Page signature model?

JR
Of course!

He hands it to him.

JOSEPH
[takes it]Thanks pare. But how? What? Huh?

JR smiles and shakes his head.

JR
Dream...Believe...Survive.

He nods and looks heavenward.

JR
The Island...is alive!

EXT. THE CAVE - DAY

By the coconut trees...

VAL
Shotgun! Hammock!

HENRIK
Ano bang pinagsasabi mo? We're lost in this mysterious, freaky...MOANING island! Walang hammock dito!

VAL
[leans on a tree] Two trees, the shade, the cool breeze, ERGO, hammock!

HENRIK
San ka naman kukuha ng hammock, aber?

VAL
Duh?! Kay Drew!

HENRIK
Ha! Barter policy nga siya! Pinagpalit ko na nga yung kaisa-isa kong Lacoste shirt para lang magkaroon ng unan yung asawa ko eh. Tapos ikaw, sa tingin mo ganong kadali kumuha ng gamit pang-hamok?

He snorts arrogantly. Crosses his arms over his chest.

VAL
Ha! Just because muntik nako mag-basic math AND "D" ako sa accounting, AND "F+" ako sa stat AND dri-nop ko yung subject AND inabandon ko kayong groupmates ko, AND nag-shift ako to comm doesn't mean wala nakong ibang abilities!

She frowns.

VAL
Logically, it doesn't follow!

HENRIK
Ano ba pinagsasabi mo? Off-topic ka! Hammock pinag-uusapan natin ah?!

VAL
Duh, rant lang! Kumain ka na ba? Ba't ang init ng ulo mo?

HENRIK
Hay ewan! Tara, tingnan na lang natin kung makukuha mo materyales mo.

VAL
Why, you're laughing! [smirks]Excuse me!

HENRIK
Hindi kasi ganun kadali yun eh.

VAL
But you underestimate the powers of a woman...

EXT. THE WOODS - DAY

MR
Ilang sibat na yan?

ROBINSON
Isa...dalawa...DALAWA!

MR tosses his machete to the ground.

MR
Pwede na yan! Takte! Tagaktak na pawis ko! Dapat sinama natin yung mga batak ang katawan. Ang hirap magputol ng puno.

A chilly wind...

JEN
[v.o.,haunting]
I told you so....

MR
Naaay! Tara na, bilisan na natin. Kinikilabutan nako dito.

ROBINSON
[jumping happpily]
O-tei!

EXT. SHORES - DAY

GV frames Apol into a box using his fingers.

GV
1...2...3, Pasok Apol!

APOL
Salamat GV!

She smiles. A hairbrush is used as a microphone.

APOL
At ngayon sa nagbabagang mga balita na nakakakiliti. Tatlong-pu! Natagpuang BUHAY dito sa ISLA!

She starts to walk. GV follows framing.

APOL
Hindi malaman kung anong nangyari. Sabi ng iba, nagkatuwaan ang mga piloto ng eroplano at ginawang laro ang pagpapalipad kaya't na-disgrasya...

INSERT SHOT: Base Camp.
Mikel and David scratching their heads and covering their faces with hankies.

DAVID
No comment! No comment!

End shot.

APOL
Hindi pa namin nakukuhaan ng paliwanag ang mga piloto, ngunit ayon kay Dr. Co, ang tinugariang representatibo ng mga tao, mas importanteng malaman walang nasawi, at iilan lang ang sugatan. Dr.?

JAM
Thanks, Apol.

APOL
Dr. ano na ang situasyon ngayon?

JAM
We're okay naman. We have a base camp where captain Garcia and his co-pilot stays. We've set up our sleeping quarters dun sa Cave. Everyone's adjusted quiet well, considering almost 2 hours palang since our time of crash. We've even set up a Supplies camp where a responsible passenger is assigned to deliver the goods to their respective owners...

INSERT SHOT: Supplies Camp

ROCHELLE
Akin yan, akin yan!

DREW
[accented]
Me'em, I've got a give and take policy working for me here...

He smiles, trying to charm her.

ROCHELLE
Ano ba! Ano bang gagawin mo kay Jericho?! Ibigay mo sakin yung poster ko!

DREW
Uh-uh-uh. Not without a kiss, hunnie...

ROCHELLE
Ayoko! Si Jericho lang!

DREW
But me'em, I'm Australian. I've got an accent. What more do you want?

ROCHELLE
WAAAAAH!

End shot.

APOL
Paano naman po ang ibang mga pasahero?

JAM
As I've said, they're all okay naman. Because of the shock and trauma, most are staying put, trying to relax...

INSERT SHOT: By the shores...

Isa and Nina, dancing to a tribal beat and drinking...

Nina raises a little bottle of vodka.

NINA
Inuman na!!!!

End Shot.

JAM
Some have recovered. It's a bit difficult lang kasi we're in need of more doctors, you know, just in case?

INSERT SHOT: Medic Camp

A limping Tonio messes up the place.

TONIO
Nasan na ba batuta ko?!

End shot.

JAM
So, generally we're okay. Well, except for little girl who's still trying to search for someone named Ahi-yang?

INSERT SHOT: Inner part of the forest

BRINNIE
[calling out] Ahiyang? Ahhi-yanggg!

End shot.

APOL
What's Ahhiyang?

JAM
I don't know. No one knows how to speak Chinese here.

APOL
Ahh, manay, este, madam, may parating na bang rescue operation?

JAM
Well, Captain Garcia mentioned he was able to 'mayday' a certain Mr. Solis, governor of the mainland. Hopefully, they'll soon sense there's something wrong.

APOL
Madam, ano naman po yung mga sinsabing umu-ungol na tunog sa gubat?

JAM
Huh?

APOL
Yung gubat po, buhay daw po?

GV
5...4...3...That's a wrap!

APOL
Bilis naman!

GV
Sakit na nang kamay ko! Si Em naman pagprak-tisan mo.

INT. THE CAVE - NIGHT

Sunset. Night falls. Insect noises surround the place.

CZA
You shouldn't like, carry a gun like that in here...

Karren looks at Cza but says nothing. She continues to clean her gun.

CZA
I mean, you could really hurt someone.

KARREN
It's unloaded. You're not gonna die.

CZA
Oh, you mean like, the bullets aren't there or something?

Exasperation is written in Karren's face.

KARREN
Listen, little miss chicken-of-the-sea, I have ---

A PIERCING scream.

KARREN
What the fuck?

She cocks her gun.

CZA
Eeek! I thought you said that was unloaded.

KARREN
[smirks] I lied.

CAMS
Guys, come quick! Something's happened with the twins!

They scramble off.

INT. MEDIC CAMP - NIGHT

TONIO
Ba't ba kayo nandito lahat? May sakit ba lahat kayo?

CAMS
I'm here for documentation.

She raises her notebook.

TONIO
Fine. Pasok.

He lets her in.

TONIO
Oh, pati kayo?

He looks at Karren and Cza. Irritated.

TONIO
Wag na! Ang sikip na dito, hindi ko pa mahanap batuta ko!

Karren opens her jacket to reveal the gun.

TONIO
[gulps]
Ay, joke lang. Pasok...pasok. Hehehe. Feel free to invade my private space...

They enter and join the small crowd gathered.

Cat and Aram are holding each other tightly. Lips pursed to emphasize amazing cheekbones.

ARAM
And Ashley and I, were like, just by the falls -

CAT-O
Splashing each other water -

ARAM
Yah know? MtV-like in slow mo?

CAT-O
Like the stuff of guys wet dreams?

At the back, the men whisper.

JOSEPH
Dude, the Olsen twins are so hot!

DREW
Yeah man!

JOSPEH
Think they'd date a rocker?

He raises his brandnew guitar - the Gibson Les Paul and samples a tune.

Drew shakes his head.

DREW
Watch and learn, mate...

ARAM
And then suddenly, just when we were about to take off our bikinis to see the contours of our ribs, this...this...

CAT-O
This freaky sound came from like...SOMEWHERE! In the jungle!

Drew approaches, takes Cat-o's hand and kisses it.

DREW
If I were with you two little ladies, I'd carry you off to safety so you wouldn't hurt those precious feet of yours...

He winks. Cat-o flushes.

ARAM
[fans himself]
That's hot!

Joseph shakes his head. Amazed.

JOSEPH
Master...

Drew smirks.

KARREN
So, let me get this straight. You heard a sound, and you ran?

She scoffs.

ARAM
Ugh! It wasn't like just any sound, yah know?

The twins smirk at Karren.

CAT-O
[coughts, whispers]
Bi-atch.

CZA
[offended]
Ashley! Mary-Kate! You give us blondes a bad name!

ARAM
What?!
[points at Cat-o]
She said it...

CAT-O
But you were theng-keng' it...

They smile and cackle.

Karren shakes her head.

KARREN
[mutters]
Bimbos. I'm outta here.

She leaves the tent but another piercing SCREAM stops her.

KARREN
What the fuck?

She cocks her gun.

Cat-o hugs Aram.

CAT-O
[frightened]
That doesn't sound like the scream of a single, hot, bulimic-anoxeric, ditzy blonde woman!

DREW
It's worse.

Everyone looks at him.

DREW
It's the scream of an unwed-teenage mama!

JOSEPH
OOohhhh!

Isa and Nina, in bikinis, enter the tent.

JOSEPH
Holy mama!

ISA
Guys, something happened!

Cams raises her hand.

CAMS
Guys, don't talk too fast, I'm transcribing here. Can you repeat that?

ISA
[perkily nods]
Okay.

They get out of the tent and enter again.

ISA
Guys, something happened!

JOSEPH
Holy mama!

NINS
[impressed at him]
Wow, you've got like ESPN! It's Mea!

KARREN
What about that pregnant chick?

NINS
We were like, talking earlier and she mentioned something about being food-gatherers?

CAT-O
Food gatherers?

ARAM
Eeeewww, what's that?

ISA
Our reaction exactly.

NINS
And so she explained how it was our responsibility as women to find food for the people.

JOSEPH
Man, you gotta luv a woman like that...

ISA
We were like, ewww no, GV, JR and Tonio could like hunt and fish right?

TONIO
Ano ba? Kita nang lumpo ako, gusto niyo pako mangisda at mangaso?!

NINS
So anyway, she went off because she saw a banana tree. I mean, hormones and cravings right? And the next thing we know, there was this scream that was so her...

ISA
You know, that, wacky "HUWAAAAAAAAH?!" hysterical mama scream?

NINS
And we knew she has got to be in some kind of trouble, coz' you only reserve that kind of screaming when you're like in labor or something right?

ISA
Yeah, and like, she's not yet in labor coz' she still got 2 months to go!

NINS
And that's when we knew, something's wrong coz' she used that kind of scream. And she's not yet in labor!

ISA
So, if she's like not in labor, then she must then be -

KARREN
In trouble. Yes, yes.
[rolls eyes]
I think we got that part covered.

CZA
[frightened]
So, like, what are we gonna do now?

KARREN
Cams, get Jam. Alert the others. And get me Len M. I need her to investigate on this and what the Olsens were saying. Drew, get the captain and his crew. Try to gather the others to the cave for safety.

She turns to Cat-O, Aram, Cza, Nins, and Isa.

KARREN
The five of you, go back to the cave. Joseph, escort them.

JOSEPH
[rubs his hands]
This has got to be my lucky day.

KARREN
Any other questions?

ARAM
Who like, died and made you leader?!

TONIO
Pwede huwag mo nang galitin? Kita mo na ngang may baril eh.

Karren raises her gun again.

ARAM
Ugh! Don't yah point that theng' at me sis-tah!

CAT-O
She's not your sis-tah! I'm your sis-tah!

ARAM
That was an expression Ashley. God, you're so dumb!

CAT-O
Ugh, like you're not? We like, share brain parts coz' we're twins, Mary Kate!

ARAM
Oh! Right...

TONIO
Umalis na nga kayo lahat! Ang ingay niyo! Sumasakit lalo paa ko!

CAT-O
[flips her hair]
Fine!

ARAM
Ugh! What a jerk!

CAT-O
We're all going to the cave and you'll be like...alone!

She gives him a satisfied, haughty look as they leave.

Tonio shakes his head and opens a bottle of Vicodin pills.

TONIO
[rubs his limp leg]
Impyerno.

*END DAY 1*

----------------------------------------

go to: |Day 2 - On Hostile Gounds|

On Hostile Grounds

2006-03-10T13:18:00.000+08:00

Day 2: On Hostile Grounds

INT. CAVE - NIGHT

TARA
Nasan na siya? Nasan na?

Cams looks at her notebook.

CAMS
Well, he's not yet here. He was last sighted with that tall, thin, Korean guy?

TARA
Ah, si Benson?! Nakuuu! Nagsama pa talaga yang dalawang yan!

CAMS
According to my notes, they were out gathering some weapons.

A woman wearing a polka dot daster and hair in rollers cuts in.

JEN
[fanning herself]
Anong gathering weapons? Killing trees you mean!

A beat.

CAMS
Right...
[to Tara]
Don't be alarmed, I'm sure they're all right. They can take care of themselves.

TARA
Ha! Sana lang talaga! Pag may nangyari sa paa niya, makikita niya!

Tara's eyes blaze red.

TARA
MAKIKITA NIYAAA!!!

EXT. DEEP IN THE FOREST - NIGHT

Two men are running for their lives.

MR
Teka tsong, teka...!

He leans by a tree and heaves. Benson looks around, wary.

BENSON
[jumping around]
Dali Em, dali!

MR
Sandali, sakit na ng baga ko! Baka ma-tepok ako ng di oras!

Loud rustling of leaves...

BENSON
Anu yun...?

They look around. And behind them -

A huge CREATURE roars.

MYSTERIOUS CREATURE
Raarrahhhhhhh!

BENSON/MR
WAAAAAH!

MR
Anak ng butiki! PUTING OSO!

Benson
Puhhh-puhhh-puting oso??!!

The creature roars again.

BENSON
[clapping]
Awww! Ang cute!!!

MR
Nyyaakk, anung cute? Lalamunin tayo niyan! Sibatin mo, sibatin mo!

BENSON
Otei, otei, wait lang.

He puts down his backpack and gets a spear.

MR
Dali, dali!

Benson throws the wooden spear.

The spear lands a meter away from them.

BENSON
[sheepish]
Wooops! Soweee, em! Again!

MR scratches his head in frustration.

MR
Prutas!

BENSON
Wait lang! Itah pa!

He gets another spear.

MR
[grabbing the spear]
Huwag na! Ako na!

It hits the creature on its left feet.

MR
Yesss! Sa paa!

But the creature just pulls the spear from its feet and move toward them.

MR
Eskapo na to! Tara na!

But Benson is frozen in place, staring at the creature with dreamily.

MR
Benson!!!! Oyyy! Gumalaw ka dyan!

BENSON
Ang cuuuuteee eh!

The creature is about to lunge forward and claw Benson to death....

MR
[scratching his head in frustration]
Prutas!!!! Chinoy!!! Anu ba?! Kakalmutin ka na!

BENSON
Here boy, here boy! Gusto mo candy?

He fiddles through his pocket. He finds none.

BENSON
Wait lang u ha!

He bends down and looks in his bag. He is caught unaware, the creature hovering dangerously above him.

The creature roars mightily.

MR
Huwaggggg!!!!

MR starts to run as he RIPS off his shirt and THROWS away his glasses and in a blur, DASHES towards Benson ...

CREATURE
Rarrrrrrrrrr!

He takes Benson in his arms just before the creature attacks.

BENSON
Wha-hh? No!!!

MR
Huwag ka umangal!

He carries Benson.

Cue: SUPERMAN music.

They fly off. To the sky.

EXT. THE CAVE - NIGHT

The women are stargazing to pass off time as a FLYING FIGURE speeds past across the FULL MOON.

CAT-O
[looking up]
Oh my god! It's a bird!

ARAM
No, it's a plane!

People from the cave hear the ruckus and scramble outside to see. The flying figure slows down, dangling from the sky...

Tara is the last to come out from the cave. She sees the flying figure. She is infuriated.

Her eyes turn FLAMING RED.

TARA
[callin out]
Hoyyyy! Bumababa ka diyan!

EXT. NIGHT SKY - NIGHT

MR smiles, the wind blowing on his face, his hair in glorious disarray. His arms as strong as steel, carrying his precious friend...

TARA (v.o)
Hoyyyy! Bumababa ka diyan!

His moment is disrupted by a call...

He looks down.

MR
[mutters]
Anak ng...si commander!

Benson awakes from sleep.

BENSON
[disoriented]
Wha? Huh? Em???

MR
Huwag kang titingin sa baba! Sandali nalang, lupa na tayo ha! Sandali lang!

Benson does the opposite. He looks down. And faints.

MR
Syet.

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT

Loud, static sounds surround the white room. A female agent, enters the room and approaches a tall man leaning by the window, hands clasped behind him.

SUPERTITLE: Agent Sydney Bristow
Alias: "CHAY"
Skills: Spying, martial arts, torturing.

CHAY
[salutes]
General Solis, a word from Naboooh.

GABBY turns around, scratches his goatee, then puffs on his tobacco.

GABBY
Que? No hablo Ingles.

SUBTITLE: Yes, what? I don't speak English.

Chai turns around and calls for her partner. A tall, smart-looking man enters.

KAKAM
Yes, Syd?

SUPERTITLE: Agent Marshall Flinkman
Alias: "KAKAM"
Skills: Gadget-making, marketing, Interpreting, Translating Spanish to English and vice-versa

CHAY
Tell the General a signal was received from Naboooh. Apparently, it's where the plane crashed.

KAKAM
General, recibimos una señal de Naboooh. Es donde el plano se estrelló.

SUBTITLE: General, we received a signal from Naboooh. It is where the plane crashed.

GEN. SOLIS
Sí, sé. Prepárese para ir cubierta interior. Infiltraremos la isla.

SUBTITLE: Yes, I know. Prepare to go undercover. We will be infiltrating the island.

KAKAM
¿Prepararé a equipo del rescate?

SUBTITLE: I will prepare the rescue team?

The General nods.

CHAI
[to Kakam]
What did he say?

KAKAM
He said we should gather the rescue team and prepare to infiltrate the island.

They prepare to leave. The General stops them.

GEN. SOLIS
Kakam, No se olvide de embalar mis cigarros cubanos

Kakam nods.

CHAI
Well?

KAKAM
He says not to forget his pack of Cuban cigars for the trip.

CHAI
Oh, that.
[mutters]
God, I suck at this job

EXT. DEEP IN THE WOODS - NIGHT

Dried, fallen leaves crack under the weight of two pairs of booted feet. An owl hoots from a tall, old tree.

KARREN and LEN M. are searching the place with their flashlights. Karren stops and kneels over the ground, touching it with her fingers.

KARREN
Footprints. Warm.

Len inspects the spot using a MAGNIFYING GLASS.

LEN M.
A deeply embedded footprint.

KARREN
Deeply embedded? You mean someone heavy? Some fat dude?

LEN M.
A 'dude?'
[shaking her head]
No. Not necessarily. Could be a woman who just happens to be eating for two...

KARREN
Ah! Of course.

She spits the gum and grins.

KARREN
The pregnant chick.

Len M. and Karren follow the footprints. They stop right before a tree.

KARREN
[looking up]
Tell me what's wrong with this tree.

Len M. inspects the said tree with her magnifying glass and flashlight.

LEN M.
Actually, it's a plant.

Karren looks at Len plaintatively.

LEN M.
Musa acuminata.

KARREN
[rolls her eyes]
Do I look like someone who knows geek-speak?

LEN M.
Oh. Right. Sorry. Musa acuminata. The most of common of bananas. Easy to mistake them as trees because they're so big. But really they're just plants. Herbs to be exact.

KARREN
[mutters]
A super sleuth into botany.

She looks at the banana plant again then back at Len M. who's busy inspecting the leaves.

KARREN
So, any leads this freakin' herb could provide us?

LEN M.
Yes, actually. Musaceae are flowering plants...so the question is, where's the flower? Fruit to be exact.

KARREN
[looking around]
I don't see any.

LEN M.
Mea must have taken the bananas with her. I heard she had a craving. We should be on the lookout for banana peels, you know, in case she's left a trail.

KARREN
[scoffs]
Brains of knocked-up chicks tend to shrink when their bellies bulge.

LEN M.
Well, we can hope hers doesn't.

KARREN
[looking at her watch]
We should head back, search for her first light of day.

LEN M.
All right. Just let me take some pictures of these, you know for evidence?

A few flashes from her camera.

LEN M.
There, I'm good to go.

KARREN
Have to say, you're good.

LEN M.
Well, I don't come cheap.

KARREN
I can get some dough for you from the supplies camp.

LEN M.
Goodie.

INT. SUPPLIES CAMP - NIGHT

DREW
Here you go. Four pairs of funky, tropical shorts, suntan lotion, suntan oil and imported slippers. Nice dealing with you captains! Rest assured I'll be zipping my mouth as you go incognito.

David and Mikel shake their heads as they walk out.

DAVID
[mutters]
Damn it! What am I gonna do without those shades?

MIKEL
Oh forget it! At least we have these Hawaian shorts and rubber slippers. We could blend in now, be more inconspicous? We won't look like the pilots who accidently wrecked the --

David covers Mikel's mouth.

DAVID
Quiet!

Sounds of someone approaching. David opens the suntan lotion/oil and bathes himself in it.

DAVID
[tosses the bottles to Mikel]
Quick! Use this!

Mikel does the same.

Val and Henrik enter.

HENRIK (v.o.)
Ba't parang amoy coconut oil dito?

The two pairs face each other.

VAL
[squinting]
Captain Garcia? Lt. David?

DAVID
[muffled voice]
No! No! Umm, err, we are not them.

MIKEL
Yes, we are not them! We are tourists headed to Boracay!

He poses with David.

MIKEL
See our bronzed and toned torsos!

Their bodies shine from the suntan.

VAL
Wow! That's some extereme SPF-action going on, huh!

DAVID
Yes! Umm - errr...so we'll see you at the party?

HENRIK
Anong party?

MIKEL
We heard from two beach hotties there was going to be some happenin' in 'The Cave' tomorrow night.

VAL
[nonchalant]
Oh! Yeah, Nina mentioned that earlier.

HENRIK
Anong party?! Ba't walang nagte-text sakin?!

DAVID
Dude, signal's low in the island.

HENRIK
Miski na! Hmmph!

MIKEL
All right so errr ---

DAVID
We'll see you! Bye.

They quickly exit.

VAL
[confused]
Um - bye!

They approach "THE THRONE -" A corner in the camp where Drew comfortably reclines on a Lazy Boy, surrounded by clothes, junk food and other stash.

VAL
Hey Drew!

DREW
[gets up]
Hi doll!

They hug and greet each other with easy familiarity.

VAL
And how's your -
[looking around]
- lair?

DREW
Quaint, isn't it?

VAL
Very.
[smiles]
Nice shades, by the way.

Drew smiles.

DREW
So, what can I do for you? And you, Henrik? So soon? Anymore shirts to spare?

Henrik stands in a corner, arms crossed over his chest, looking grim.

HENRIK
Alam mo na ngang kaisa-isa eh! Nananadya ka ba?!

DREW
Yeah, well, I'm starting to fancy that blue Nike of yours...

Henrik looks ready to kill him.

DREW
[holds his hands up, laughing]
Cool it mate, just a joke.

HENRIK
[pleads to Val]
Pwedeng bang paki-bilisan?

VAL
Okay, okay! So I need materials for a hammock.

DREW
A hammock...hmmm. Well let's see. You'll need blankets, poles, ropes...

He brushes his fingers through his hair.

DREW
That would cost you plenty, luv. Anything to trade? Coz' you must have heard, I'm in the business...

VAL
The barter? Yes, I know. But you see, I thought we could waive that for now.

DREW
Uh-uh, can't do, dah-ling.

VAL
But you owe me...

DREW
[amused]
Really now? 'The Drew,' owes nobody, hunnie...

VAL
[threatening]
You wanna bet your spleen and kidney on that? Maybe you should refresh your history page.

*FLASHBACK STARTS - SEPIA TONE*

SUPERTITLE: JANUARY, 2006

INT. COMMUNICATION DEPARTMENT - DAY

DREW
Val, patulong naman sa thesis oh. Daming requirements ni Solis eh...

VAL
Osige, send ko sayo thesis ko. Revise mo nalang if you want, madali lang naman.

DREW
All right! I owe you one!

VAL
[smirks]
Yeah, you do!

*END FLAHSBACK*

INT. SUPPLIES CAMP - NIGHT

VAL
Well?

DREW
Bloodyhell! Go and get anything you need and some more!

VAL
[hugging him]
Awww! Ang sweet mo talaga! Thanks friend!

She proceeds to get the blankets, ropes and poles.

HENRIK
Ha?! Ba't ganun? Wala siyang kapalit? ANG DAYA! ANG DAYA!

DREW
[shrugging]
Lady knows the double B.

HENRIK
Ha?

VAL
[perky]
Blackmailing and bargaining.

She dumps the things on Henrik's arms.

VAL
[smiles]
You can carry that.

EXT. THE CAVE - NIGHT

Two figures spiral down the ground in lightning speed. A loud CRASH! is heard, making the girls scream.

ARAM
Oh, my God!

CAT-O
Oh my GODDDD!

They hug each other.

ISA
Are we like, gonna die?

Bruiser the dog, barks.

NINA
Oh mah-god! Even the canine thinks so!

CZA
[tearfully]
I want my hubby!!! Muahhhhh!

By the mouth of the cave, an irritated Tara paces back and forth followed by Len Go

Her eyes turn bloody red again.

TARA
Naku! Sinasabi ko na! Sinasabi ko na!

LEN GO
Hinay-hinay lang, mamumula nanaman mata mo.

Tara frowns then snaps her fingers. Joseph and GV immediately bow at her feet.

GV
Yes, dragon empress?

TARA
Damputin niyo yung dalawang nahulog. Dalin niyo dito sa kweba! Dali!

JOSEPH
Yes, ma'am!

They run to the landing site to retrieve MR and Benson. Len Go tries to soothe her more.

LEN GO
Sister Tzu Hsi, it's okay. Dahan-dahan lang. Remember...your delicate nails. You don't wanna break them.

Tara looks at the 12-inch long nails of her fingers.

TARA
Oo nga no. San na yung protector ko?

Len Go hands her steel, silver cone-shaped fingernail coverings. Tara puts them on them scratches the cave wall's surface, ever so slowly.

Everyone in the crave cringes, covering their ears.

ALL
AHHhhhhh!

TARA
[soothed]
Haaaah...better.

JOSEPH
CLEAR THE PATH, CLEAR THE PATH!

Joseph carries Benson in his arms. MR limps, aided by GV.

Isa, Aram, Cat, Cza, and Nina scream. They run towards Tara and Len and duck behind them for safety.

LEN GO
[looks around]
Oh for the love of -! Benson? What the heck happened to your feet?

MR
Ahh, errr. Rough landing, nawalan ng brake. Di ko nasuot yung kapa ko eh.

Tara grunts.

MR
[sheepish, waves at her]
Ahhh, eehe. Hi commander...

TARA
Hi ka dyan! Tingnan mo nga yang paa mo? Ang dumi-dumi! Ugh!

MR's Chucks are worn out and torn, showing his toes. MR tries in vain to brush off the dirty smudges on his feet.

MR walks, limping as he tries to get to her good side.

MR
Uyyy, sige na, wag ka na magalit, mamumula nanaman mata mo...

TARA
Hmmmph!

Benson meanwhile is delirious.

BENSON
Polar bear, polar bear...sooo cute...

LEN GO
What's he saying?

CZA
Shouldn't we like call, the nurse or something?

TARA
[screams, eyes turning red]
NARS!!!!!!

Jacqui runs towards them, carrying the first aid kit.

JACQUI
[bowing]
At your service empress!

TARA
Gamutin mo yang kadiring mga paa na yan! Yaakkkk!

LEN GO
Yes. And give Benson some pills, I think he's hallucinating.

MR
Hindi, totoo yun! Nakakita kami ng puting oso.

ISA
Ewww! Puting oso? What's that?

NINA
Maybe it's like a 'food gatherer'...

MR
[irritated]
POLAR BEAR!

CZA/NINA/ARAM/CAT-O/ISA
Ooohhhh....

CAT-O
Polar bear? But it's like so hot here! Aren't polar bears supposed to be like, close to the poles because they're like, PO-LAR?!

LEN GO
[laughing]
Ashley, for the first time, has a point.

MR
Hindi nga! Totoo sinasabi ko!

Tara rolls her eyes.

LEN GO
But it's really impossible.

MR
MERON NGA!!!!

LEN GO
Wala.

MR
Meron sabi!

Len Go is now visibly irritated.

LEN GO
[hands on hips]
WALA!

MR
MERON!

LEN GO
Ugh!

She turns to Tara, preparing to leave.

LEN GO
Talk some sense in him. This is too much for me, and I'm already a paradox!

INT. THE CAVE - NIGHT

CZA
AHHHH! The ground is soooo matigas! Why can't you get THAT for me?

She points at Val, who is happily sleeping on her hammock, a smile on her face as she hugs her pillow. She looks very comfortable.

HENRIK
Please, please huwag muna mag-demand ngayon ha! 3 Nike t-shirts nalang natitira sakin!

CZA
Ughhh! We're newlyweds! This trip is supposed to be our honeymoon!
[sniffs]
How can you treat me like this?

Henrik is still irritated, but softens as he sees her get teary-eyed. He puts his arms around her, comforting her.

HENRIK
Tama na, huwag ka na umiyak please?

CZA
[lip quivering]
O-kay...

She pouts, looks down. Very depressed.

He sighs. He looks around, trying to see if anyone is watching.

HENRIK
[in a low voice]
Promise, bukas papasayahin kita.

Cza looks up.

CZA
Really?

HENRIK
Really.

CZA
What will you do?

HENRIK
Basta. Matulog ka na. Bukas matutuwa ka.

Cza smiles, appeased.

At another part of the cave...

Len M. is showing Jam and Cams the photographs.

JAM
Good job, we'll form a search party tomorrow. Right now, just get some sleep.

CAMS
Here, let me take that for safekeeping.

She takes the photos from Len M. and tucks them inside her portofolio.

CAMS
Umm, can you also tell me your free time tomorrow? Apol wants an exclusive on your investigation.

LEN M.
Oh, sure.

JAM
All right then.

She looks around the cave, pleased that everybody's tucked in.

JAM
[shouts]
Get a goodnight's rest everyone. Long day tomorrow.

She turns around.

JAM
GV, you can blow out the torch now.

GV
Yes, boss.

The cave is enveloped in darkness. Everyone sleeps.

No one notices 3 MYSTERIOUS MEN outside the cave, hiding in the bushes, looking at them...

INT. MEDIC CAMP - DAY

Tonio
[grumbles]
Ang aga, aga, may pasyente na agad!

DREW
I'm sorry doc, it's just that I woke up with a splitting headache.

TONIO
Baka naman tumungga ka nanaman.

DREW
No, actually, my liquor stash is gone. I have this feeling some of the beach hotties took it. Heard there's going to be a party tonight.

TONIO
Hay naku! Mag-ingat ka sa mga babaeng yan. Nagdagsaan nga dito nung isang araw diba? Hirap paalisin.

DREW
Tsk! Women!

TONIO
Talaga!

DREW
So, this recurring headache isn't terminal, right?

TONIO
Hmmm...teka, basahin mo to.

He stands a feet away from Drew and raises a cardboard with letters P-A-S-A-S written.

TONIO
Takpan mo isang mata, tapos yung isa. Sige, basa!

DREW
[covers right eye]
S-A-S-P...

TONIO
Yung isa.

DREW
[covers left eye]
A-P-S-A...

Tonio shakes his head.

TONIO
Hay! Sabi ko na! May dyslexia ka!

DREW
[horrified]
Fuck! But I always used protection!

TONIO
[hits Drew's head]
Tangi! Sakit yan sa mata hindi sa ----

DREW
Awww, bloody hell! Why didn't you say so! You gave me such a fright. So, what do I need? Pills? Cream?

TONIO
Ano ba! Salamin lang sa mata. Maghanap ka ng salamin, hindi na sasakit mata mo.

DREW
Glasses? But where the hell can I find glasses in this ---

JACQUI
Doc! [v.o.]

Jacqui enters, chart in hand.

TONIO
Ano nanaman?!

JACQUI
We've got another casualty in the cave---

TONIO
Syet. O, yung batuta ko nahanap mo na?

Jacqui flushes.

JACQUI
No, doc, not yet. But I am trying! I'm searching every nook and cra --

She is distracted by Drew who's almost leering at her.

JACQUI
[to Tonio]
Why is he smiling at me like that?

DREW
[draping an arm around her]
So, babe...

His gaze pours over her.

JACQUI
[visibly flustered]
Sss-s-sir?

Drew smiles, looking at her eyes.

DREW
[grinning widely]
Nice specs.

EXT. THE BEACH - DAY

JR approaches GV who is busy tying logs of wood together.

JR
Pare, ano ginagawa mo?

GV
Pare, gumagawa ako ng raft.

JR
Raft pare?

GV
Oo, pare.

JR
Bakit, pare?

GV
Pare, aalis nako dito. Pagka-nagawa ko ang raft ko, makaka-alis na ko dito sa isla nato.

JR
Talaga pare? Bakit naman pare? Okay naman dito ah?

He looks around, closing his eyes.

JR
The clouds...the waves...the winds...the birds chirping...
[looks back at GV]
Heaven pare - no, PARADISE, pare. Think about it.

GV
Pare I've thought about it, pero pare, di ko kaya. Tingnan mo naman ang haba na ng balbas ko!

Scratches his beard.

GV
Pati kuko ko pare, ang haba na, walang nailcutter eh...

JR
Pare, dalawang araw palang ahh...

GV
Oo pare, alam ko, nagtataka nga ako. Mahiwaga ang isla nato. At isa pa pare, hindi pwede makita ng Empress mga kuko ko, maiingit yon, pare...

JR
Oo nga no...

GV
At saka pare, hindi ko na kaya dito. Pare, si Wilson, di ko kaya na wala siya. Nadala siya ng mga alon. Kailangan ko siyang hanapin...

JR
Wilson? Sino siya pare? Nasa 'manifest' ba siya pare?

GV
Pare, wala pare. Hindi siya tao pare. Bola siya. Bola! Pero pare, kahit bola siya, may feelings din siya pare. We're bound by blood, pare. Natatakot yun, pare.

JR
Tama ka. I understand. Sige, halika, tutulungan kitang gawin ang raft mo.

GV
Salamat pare, kaibigan ka talaga.

JR
Basta kung sakali man pare, pa-shotgun nalang ng space. Baka ako rin, maisipan ko na umalis.

GV
Talaga, pare? Pano si --

JR
SHhhh...don't say her name, pare. Let's just concentrate on this.

GV nods.

EXT. BASE CAMP - DAY

Apol is searching for someone to interview. She spots 2 men, sunbathing, wearing beachy outfits.

APOL
Um, excuse me? Pwede ba kayong ma-interview?

DAVID
[whispers to Mikel]
Captain I think it's workin'. She doesn't recognize us.

MIKEL
See, told you a change of skin tone will do the trick...

They turn their attention to Apol.

MIKEL
An interview? Like a VTR?

Apol nods vigourously.

MIKEL
[puffs chest, fixes hair]
Sure, sanay ako diyan...

APOL
All right! Teka lang kunin ko brush ko...

Apol gets her brush. Takes a breathe.

APOL
Um, I need cueing.
[to David]
Do you mind?

DAVID
Oh sure.

Apol fixes up then nods.

DAVID
And 3...2...1...you're on!

APOL
[smiling wide]
Magandang hapon mga kapatid! Ngayong umaga makakasama natin ang dalawang tourista nagnangalang ---

She looks at them, confused.

DAVID
Errr...just call us - umm...

MIKEL
Uh, the "Beach Boys."

DAVID
yes, yes, the 'Beach Boys,' - anonymity's all the rage now.

Mikel and David look at each other, simultaneously breathing a sigh of relief.

APOL
Ah, okay! So, ahh, 'Beach Boys,' anong masasabi niyo sa mga pangyayaring ito?

DAVID
Nothing really. We are innocent passengers. We were on our way to Bora when the plane crashed.

APOL
Ahhh.. Alam niyo bang nawawala ang 2 piloto ng nasabing eroplano? Pinaghahanap namin sila.

She looks at them curiously.

APOL
At hindi be parang ngang kahawig niyo sila? Yun nga lang, parati silang may salamin at sombrero.

MIKEL
Definitely not us.

DAVID
We NEVER wear caps and sunglasses. Beats the whole carefree, beach bum look...

APOL
Tama. Ano naman ang masasabi niyo sa nababalitaang mga chikka?

DAVID
What's 'chikka?'

APOL
Chikka? Um, you know, chismis! Chuvaness!

David is still confused.

APOL
[deadpans]
Rumors!

DAVID
Oh...rumors?
[panicked]
What rumors?!

MIKEL
Yes, what rumors?!

APOL
Madaming nagsasabi na na-off course ang eroplano dahil ang nasabing mga piloto ay may hang-over daw at napagkamalaang laruan lang ang sasakyang pang-himpapawid.

Mikel and David look at each other and gulp.

APOL
Kasong 'Flying Under the Influence of' ang ipaparatang sa kanila.

DAVID
Ahh, how irresponsible!

MIKEL
I agree. They should be...err...fired!

DAVID
So, uh, what else are they saying?

APOL
Nakapagpadala ng mensahe sina Dr. Jam Co sa headquarters nina Gen. Solis, Lt. Caccam at Capt. Yap.

MIKEL/DAVID
Holy Crap!

APOL
Kakaibang reaksyon! Kilala niyo ba sila?

MIKEL
He's our ---

David's eyes widen.

MIKEL
[catches himself]
What I mean is, I think he is THEIR boss...or something like that.

APOL
Ah. Malamang alam niyo na may mga 'Cuban' methods of torture and punishment ang paborito nila? Gustong-gusto nilang pabalikin ang Cold War era.
[side comments]
Pesteng mga communista!

David and Mikel gulp again.

APOL
Nabalitaan ko rin na magpapadala daw sila ng rescue team.

DAVID
Ahhh, errr, that's good!

APOL
At pagnahuli yang mga pilotong yan, kakasuhan at dadalin sa headquarters ni Solis. Sina Yap at Caccam kung ano gusto nilang gawin sa kanila. Anong masasabi niyo? Makatarungan ba ito?

DAVID/MIKEL
NOOoo!

APOL
Hindi?

MIKEL
Oh, we what we mean was, "Yesssss! Very!"

They both nod vigorously.

APOL
Tama nga naman.

She looks at her watch.

APOL
May mga huling panawagan po ba kayo?

MIKEL
Um, no, not really.

He tries to think of something.

MIKEL
Oh, oh!

APOL
Yah?

MIKEL
My going rate's above 45k. How much do you pay me for this interview?

APOL
Hmmm, I'll consult my ka-puso's pa, then I'll let you know. Ok lang?

MIKEL
Sure!

APOL
At eto, card ko. Call me kung may bagong info. Pero umakyat kayo sa tuk-tok ha? Dun lang may signal eh.

Mikel and David nod.

APOL
Bah-bah-yooosh mga papa!

MIKEL/DAVID
Bye!

She walks away.

MIKEL
Shit man. Solis!

DAVID
Caccam and Yap? Remember 'Hostel?' They torture worse than that! We're doomed!

MIKEL
This is all your fault! I told you, we shouldn't have drunk!

DAVID
But I only drank after you drank!

MIKEL
And I drank only after Migs drank!

DAVID
So, techinically, it's not our fault, right? Righhht???! There's a way out! There has to be.
[kneels to the ground]
THERE HAS TO BE!!!

INT. THE CAVE - DAY

Everyone is still sleeping. Some snore and stir now and then.

Suddenly, a little girl awakes.

BRINIE
AHHHHHHHHH!

Everyone is startled as the screams.

JAC
She's having a nightmare!

He runs to her.

BRINIE
WAHHHH! Ahiyang! Ahiyang!

JAC
Wake up Mei-Mei! Wake-up!

He shakes her but she continues to scream.

BRINIE
WAAAAH!

JAC
[slaps her]
Wake up! Wake up!

He slaps her once, twice.

Her eyes pop open.

BRINIE
I'm up!
[rubs her cheek]
Awww...

JAC
[pats her head]
There, there, little girl. Tell me what's wrong? Is it the ship? Did you dream of the iceberg?

BRINIE
What?

JAC
An iceberg? You know? Big-ass piece of frozen water? Cause of my near-death-experience from hypothermia?

BRINIE
Oh my, yess! The ship! It was sinking!
[crying]
We were just there, my Ahiyang's arms supporting my waist...

*START FLASHBACK*

SUPERTITLE: ATLANTIC, 1997

EXT. TITANIC SHIP - SUNSET

MYSTERIOUS AHIYANG
Do you trust me?

BRINIE
I trust you.

He maneouvers himself behind her and clasps his arms around her waist.

MYSTERIOUS AHIYANG
Now, raise your hands as if you're flying.

Brinie raises her arms, shoulder level.

They look into the sunset together.

MYSTERIOUS AHIYANG
Now, open your eyes.

Brinie opens her eyes. She gasps.

BRINIE
I'm flying, Ahiyang! I'm flying!

MYSTERIOUS AHIYANG
Yes you are, my Mei-mei...

*END FLASHBACK*

INT. THE CAVE - DAY

BRINIE
He held me tight as I pretended I was the 'queen of the world.' But the ship bumped the ice. I slipped from his grasp and then tripped on a parasol.

She sniffs.

BRINIE
The next thing I knew, he was gone! I booked this flight so I could go to where he was last spotted. Now my chance is gone! I'm alone, I'm alone! I just wanna go back to my farm, braid my hair and run with my dog!

Jac appears very symphatic and tries to comfort her.

JAC
I have something to cheer you up. Close your eyes...

BRINIE
[closes her eyes]
Okay...

He moves behind her, then clasps something around her neck.

JAC
Okay, you can open it now.

She opens her eyes and she is amazed to see a BIG, BLUE DIAMOND dangling on her neck.

BRINIE
WOW! THE HEART OF THE OCEAN! But I thought it was gone...

JAC
[pleased]
I searched for it and stole it. I was thinking of bartering with Drew for a portrait of a nude woman reclining on a coach, but I think you need it more than me.

She kisses his cheek in appreciation.

BRINIE
Thank you Mr. Dawson.

JAC
No problem. Just uhhh, see that woman over there?

He points at Nina who's still sleeping.

JAC
Try to hide the bling when she's around, aight?

BRINIE
Okay.

He leaves her and lies beside Nina again.

Brinie is busy admiring the necklace when a loud snoring interrups her.

A man rolls from his back. She sees his face...

BRINIE
Ahiyang!

She suddenly throws herself at his still sleeping form.

BRINIE
[hugging him]
Oh, Ahiyang! There you are! I thought I've lost you.

JOSEPH stirs from his sleep. Rubs his eyes. Wakes up and finds a little girl draped on him.

JOSEPH
What the -!

He quickly disentangles himself from her grasp.

BRINIE
Ahiyang!

He is shocked, then frustrated.

JOSEPH
Mei-mei?

BRINIE
Yes, it's me! It's me Ahiyang!

JOSEPH
[scratches his head]
Mei-mei! Ano ka ba! Ginulat mo naman ako! Ganda pa naman ng panaginip ko...

She reddens, embarrassed at being chastised.

BRINIE
[lip trembling]
But Ahiyang...

JOSPEH
Takte! Ba't ba 'Ahiyang' ka nang 'Ahiyang?' Sabi nang hindi mo ko 'Ahiyang!' Lakas ng pagkahulog mo sa barko ah, nakalog utak mo!

BRINIE
Huh? What are you talking about? You are my Ahiyang! We are purebloods from the Manchu dynasty, our families shipped to the New World farmlands during the Boxer Rebellion. In fact we are directly related to Empress ----

Joseph growls, frustrated.

JOSEPH
Hindi, hindi mo ako kapatid!

BRINIE
I can't understand you!

JOSEPH
[in MANDARIN]
"I am not your brother!"

BRINIE
Hu-waaat? If you're not my brother, then who are you?

He stands up. Towers over her. Eyes widening, voice turning low, loud and hoarse.

JOSEPH
[Vader-voice]
I AM YOUR FATHERRRR!!!!

INT. MEDIC CAMP- DAY

Benson is still moaning about polar bears.

VAL
Oh, god! Look at him!

BENSON
Wihihihi!!!! Cute na cute na oso!

VAL
[to Tonio]
What do you mean you ran out of Vicodin?

TONIO
Hindi ka ba nakakaintindi? Naubos ko na!

VAL
Why? Sobrang dami non ah!

TONIO
At sobrang sakit ng paa ko!

VAL
Try mo kaya tiisin...

TONIO
Seryoso ka ba? Magpalit tayo. Tingnan ko lang kung makalakad ka.

VAL
Fine. So what do we do with him?

TONIO
Nautusan ko na yung nurse na kumuha ng herbs. Baka gumana...

On cue, Jacqui enters the camp, carrying a basket full of leaves.

JACQUI
[hands him the basket]
Here you go, Doc.

TONIO
Oh, ba't sakin mo binibigay yan? Doctor ako. Nurse ka. Ikaw mag-alaga diyan, tiga-utos lang ako...

He walks away, muttering as he leaves the camp.

JACQUI
So, um, do you wanna cook this?

VAL
You shouldn't even ask me that question.

JACQUI
You can't be that bad.

VAL
Nurse Evelyn, I tried to fry simple meat, for some reason it turned green. I mistakenly poured vinegar in sinigang because I thought it was the ingredient that gave it that sour taste. And last but not the least, I almost poured gas instead of oil in our stove. I'm still getting over the fact that I could have been imprisoned for arson, so, no, don't even try to tell me if I want to cook.

Jacqui is quiet for a moment, then she bursts out.

JACQUI
[horrified]
LABAS! LABAS! LABASSSSSSSSS!!!!

EXT. THE BEACH - DAY

KATE
Rochiru-san...

ROCHELLE
Teka, teka!
[holds up her hand]
Call me, 'Roach.'

KATE
Roach. Dapat nakita mo siya. Sobrang kawawa naman asawa ko...Ano gagawin ko? Pag nalaman pa niyang...

She breaks down and cries.

ROCHELLE
It's abou time na sabihin mo na.

She holds up an INFLATABLE, LIFE-SIZE, JERICHO ROSALES and carresses it lovingly.

ROCHELLE
Tingnan mo ako, lahat sinasabi ko kay Echo.

She kisses his cheek.

ROCHELLE
Diba lab?! Muah!

KATE
[laments]
Pero di ko kaya! Anong sasabihin niya pag nalaman niyang marunong akong mag-Koreano?

ROCHELLE
Test of love yan. Kung tatanggapin ka niya dba?

KATE
[sniffs]
Siguro nga.

ROCHELLE
O kaya, sabihin mo hindi mo sinasadya...

KATE
Pano?

ROCHELLE
Sabhin mo bigla kang natuto. Sabihin mo, natuto ka sa mga DVD...

KATE
Hmm...

INT. THE CAVE - DAY

Isa, Nina, Cat-O, Aram and Cza prepare for the party while father and daughter sit together by a rock.

JOSEPH
It happened a long time ago. I was on tour. I got drunk. Knocked-up a Chinese woman in Shanghai. She had twins. One she sent to Kansas. The other in L.A. All I know is that both of you had dogs. That's all.

BRINIE
Dogs? L.A.?

She is suddenly struck by a realization.

She turns around and sees Bruiser barking and running towards a bikini-clad woman.

BRINIE
ISA!

JOSEPH
Who?

BRINIE
[pointing at Isa]
ISA! She's my twin. She's from L.A. and she has a dog! Oh my God.

Joseph turns towards the direction she's pointing at. Sees Isa. He pales.

BRINIE
[hugging him]
Daddy! She's your daughter too!

Isa waves at them.

ISA
Wassup guys?!

JOSEPH
[slaps his forehead]
Oh fuck!

INT. MEDIC - DAY

Len M. and Karren are studying the photos again

LEN M.
See that? 3 pairs - no 4 extra pairs! There were people with her.

KARREN
So you think she was taken forcibly?

LEN M.
It's possible.
[she scans the photos]
Wait- no. There are no signs of distress or struggle. The ground is pretty clean. Wherever she went, she went freely.

KARREN
[throws her hands up]
Great. Going with strangers. What did I tell you about pregnant chicks and their shrinking brain size?

LEN M.
Yeah...

A giggling, gurglish sound escapes from the side of the medic camp.

Benson, in bed, suddenly sits up and starts to raise his hands and clap.

BENSON
Weeee! Buttah-flies! Buttha-flies.

JACQUI
Shooo! There are no butterflies here, Mr. Benson.

BENSON
[hysterical]
Hahahahh! Hahahahah!

KARREN
What the fuck is wrong with him? He retarded or something?

JACQUI
Um, no. He's just injured and heavily sedated. I just gave him his meds.

Len M. looks over the basket of herbs on the table.

Len M.
You gave him these?

JACQUI
Yes. Guava leaves. For his feet. Actually, that's the second batch. Dr. House told me to get more after talking to that Mr. Sawyer.

KARREN
You mean the Aussie? Drew.

JACQUI
Yes, yes, that's him. Um...tell me. Is he really that, um, flirtatious?

KARREN
Why, he groped you or somethin'?

Jacqui reddens.

JACQUI
Oh, my, my! No - nothing of that sort. Anyway - I should really get back to my patient.

She starts to walk back to Benson, but Len M. interrupts her.

LEN M.
Um, nurse?

She holds up an herb.

LEN. M.
These aren't exactly Guava leaves.

Jacqui is confused.

JACQUI
They're not? But ---

Karren walks over, looks at the herb and bursts out laughing.

KARREN
[to Jacqui]
Why, you naughty nurse! You gave him weed!

JACQUI
[positively horried]
I WHAT?!

KARREN
Jutes! Dope! Ganja! Special ingredient of space cakes?

JACQUI
Oh-my-lord!

Len M.
It's cannabis, not the Psidium guajava you thought you were getting.

JACQUI
Good lord, gracious! I gave him drugs?!

LEN M.
[chuckling, pats her]
Don't worry about it. It would wear off soon.

Benson is jumping up and down and waving.

KARREN
Uh-uh, I think she gave him enough to last a week!
[laughing]
Lucky dude.

JACQUI
[covers face with hands]
Oh my! I'm sorry! It's just that, I suddenly lost my glasses when I tried to gather for the second batch. I knew I had it with me all morning. I must've picked up the wrong plant...

KARREN
[rolls eyes]
Yes, coz those two leaves look so much alike.

LEN M.
[to Karren]
Give her a break, she couldn't see well.

She turns to Jacqui.

LEN M.
Wait, you said the last time you had your glasses on was right after Dr. House ordered you to get the first batch?

JACQUI
Yes.

LEN M.
And the time you delivered the first batch?

JACQUI
Just earlier this morning, when he was talking to --
[her eyes widens]
Mr. Sawyer!

KARREN
[sneers]
And I ask again, did he grope you?

Jacqui flushes.

JACQUI
He was...hovering. Quite closely.

KARREN
[cynically]
And I'm sure you were too precoccupied being swept of your dainty little feet to notice his other hand maneouvers.

JACQUI
He said I had pretty eyes. Oh curse such sweet-tongued men!

KARREN
[still laughing]
You should tell this to the Doc. He's is sooo gonna flip.

JACQUI
Oh - my - Lord! The doc!

EXT. BEACH - DAY

Tonio smokes on some slims containing the said herb.

TONIO
Ahhh...sarap....

He closes his eyes.

TONIO
Bye-bye, Vicodin.
[smiles lazily]
Hel-lo Nurse Evelyn...

INT. THE CAVE - NIGHT

Sundown.

From afar, the loud beating of tribal drums and shouting drunk women can be heard from the dave.

A chant coming from the heart of the forest plays continuously:

"ACT LIKE A WHORE,
YOU'LL BE TREATED LIKE A WHORE!

ACT LIKE A WHORE,
YOU'LL BE TREATED LIKE A WHORE!"

The chanting grows louder and louder and the the girls dance to its beat.

Cza is all red, tripping on her feet as she laughs.

CZA
[tipsy]
Whooohooo! Where is that song coming from?

ARAM
I don't know! But it's so hip!

They bump and grind with the rest.

CAT-O
C'mon guys, let's hear it!

GIRLS
[in unison]
ACT LIKE WHORE,
WE'LL BE TREATED LIKE A WHORE!
ACT LIKE A WHORE,
WE'LL BE TREATED LIKE A WHORE!

VAL
Yey!

They jump and shout and laugh, singing along with the mysterious forest chant...

Nina fills the COCONUT HUSKS with LAMBANOG. Everyone drinks up. She approaches Brinie.

BRINIE
But I'm a minor!

NINA
Minor?! There's no such thing!

She pours her a drink.

NINA
Tungga!

Brinie does so.

BRINIE
Wow! Thanks ha!

Jac approaches her.

JAC
Oh, nahalata ba? Yung kwintas?

BRINIE
I kept it in a safe place.

JAC
Okay, okay, just checking. Pero anyway, pwede mo na siguro rin ilabas kung gusto mo. Tingnan mo, lasing na eh!

Nina laughs with Isa as they dance crazily.

JAC
Wala na yang maalala!

Brinie smiles.

TARA
[slurring]
Bahhh't di...umiinom [gump]...mga...lalaki? [gulp]

LEN GO
They're on patrol. I've devised a system. Tomorrow it's their turn to party.

TARA
Smart!

LEN GO
[flips her hair]
You don't have to tell me.

They toast.

A shout from the center...

CLOSE ON Drew, wearing BLACK-FRAMED EYE GLASSES.

DREW
This is the life, men! Woohoooo!

He showers himself with lambanog.

From afar, the boys watch.

HENRIK
Ang daya ah! Ba't siya pwede magparty?!

The girls answer for him.

VAL
Didn't you hear the song outside? The song Mea used to sing us during a trip in Afghan?

The boys look at each other. They don't hear any song.

VAL
Girls, together!

She waves her hand like a conductor.

GIRLS
ACT LIKE A WHORE,
WE'LL BE TREATED LIKE A WHORE!
ACT LIKE A WHORE,
WE'LL BE TREATED LIKE A WHORE!
WOOOOHOOOO!!!

GV
[whispers to JR]
Pucha pare, lakas ng tama ng mga to' ah...

CAT
[drunk]
So if we're like whores, then we need a pimp right?

GIRLS
[chanting]
DREW, DREW, HE'S OUR PIMP!

DREW
OH YEAHHHHHH!

The rest of the boys frown in jealousy.

JOSEPH
Oh, sino yung mga yun?

They point at Mikel and David.

JR
Ahh, tawag sa kanila, 'The Beach Boys'

HENRIK
Ba't sila pwede mag-party? Ba't tayo hindi?!!!

JR
Pare syempre pwede, tourista yan mga yan eh...wag kana mainggit, diba nakapag-bora ka na?

Everyone's crazy drunk. Louder chanting.

On the corner Benson claps, still muttering about butterflies.

KATE
Roach! Tingan mo siya, tingnan mo! Nababaliw na asawa ko!

BENSON
Wiehieieieiei!

KATE
Roach?

ROCHELE
[wasted, talking to the poster]
Sino gwapo? Hmmm? Sino? Sino?

On another corner, KARREN, JAM, CAMS, LEN M./ APOL and JACQUI are reclining, watching the walls of the cave.

KARREN
See...
[she holds up the plant]
Told you these are great stuff...

LEN M.
Opens up the senses. Look at those cool, primitive paintings of the bull...

They all look at the BLANK wall of the cave.

KARREN/JAM/LEN M./ JACQUI/ CAMS / APOL
Oooohhh...

The boys grow worried, watching the wildness.

HENRIK
Ano ba yang sinasabi nilang music? Wala naman akong naririnig.

JR
Huwag ka maingay...

He closes his eyes for a minute, concentrates.

JR
Tama sila, may kumakanta sa labas...

MR
Sabi ko sainyo eh! Mahiwagang gubat to! Ayaw niyo pa maniwala sa puting oso na nakita namin!

GV
Tara, gwardiyan nalang natin tong kweba. Ayoko nang maulit yung nangyari kay Mea...

Minutes later, everyone is really, really wasted.

Apol, Cams, Jam, and Len. M are giggling like crazy.

Jacqui is comforting Benson, muttering about wrong medication.

Len Go is helping Tara heat her 12-inch long nails in the fire.

Karren is playing with her gun, shooting her own shadow.

Rochelle is bowing before her newly-created Jericho altar.

Cat, Aram, Isa and Nina are posing with for their 'Girls Gone in Wilderness' catalogue. GV is photographing them.

Val is crying.

VAL
My legs! My legs! I can't feel my legs! Waaaaah!

She stands up, but trips.

VAL
I CAN'T WALK.

Tonio overhears.

TONIO
Ano, na-karma ka no?
[mutters]
Tiisin daw sakit ng paa! Ano ka ngayon?

VAL
WAAAHHHHH! FRIEND!!!!!

She tries to go to Henrik but she falls to her feet.

VAL
I can't walk! I can't walk! WAAAAHHH!

DAVID
[whispers to Mikel]
Dude, maybe she's allergic to alcohol.

MIKEL
Yeah, think so too...

Henrik spots Val on the ground. He calls for help.

HENRIK
WOMAN DOWN, WOMAN DOWN!

He helps her up.

VAL
WAAAHHH!

HENRIK
[calling to the boys]
Wheelchair!!!!

EXT. SOMEWHERE IN THE FOREST - NIGHT

Mea is sitting under the thick foliage of banana plants. She takes a last bite of the banana then carefully tosses the skin on top of a PILE of HUNDREDS.

She burps.

MEA
[covers mouth]
Ooop! Sorry! Wow...

She rubs her swollen tummy.

MEA
I'm so full! And not just because I'm carrying...

Mea grins.

MEA
So, can I go back now?

She poses her question to a petite WOMAN IN WHITE named AMARISH. Amarish's smile is eerie, her eyes has that faraway, distant look.

Amarish offers her another batch of fresh bananas.

MEA
Oh, wow! Tempting, but I really must go...

Amarish looks behind. THREE myterious men (Nikko, Pipo, Adi) appear, each carrying a platter of different deserts and delicacies. They are GLOWING like stars, shirtless and are wearing HULA skirts.

They bow before Mea.

NICHO/PIPO/ADI
[in ARAMAIC]
We serve THE GREAT MOTHER and her SPAWN, and no other!

MEA
Wow, nice voicing! You're like Il DIVO, minus one!

She is oblivious to these almost ethereal beings as she tries to pick what to eat.

MEA
Hmm...banana cake, banana salad...banana split...OOOH! Banana shake!

She turns to Amarish.

MEA
[she looks at the shake]
How where you able to get ice in the island?

Amarish just stares at her.

Mea starts to drink the banana shake from the COCONUT HUSK.

MEA
Ooooh! You even have those little fancy umbrellas!

She twirls the umbrella stuck on the husk.

MEA
[she drinks up]
Maybe I could say for a while?

She eyes the food.

MEA
I mean, they can't be searching for me or anything like that right?

She nibbles on the cake.

Amarish nods eerily.

MEA
Hmmm...

She eats heartily as she rubs her belly. She starts to talk to her unborn child.

MEA
You will grow as strong and tall and smart as your father!

She pats her belly and eats.

Amarish turns to the trio and nods her head.

The three start to chant and sing in ARAMAIC.

ADI
Great mother belongs to no one!

PIPO
Great mother belongs only to us!

NICHO
Great mother will create a new race!

ADI/PIPO/NICHO
GREAT MOTHER WILL BE OUR GOD!

Mea just smiles, not understanding what they're saying but enjoying the attention.

MEA
Wow! You know, I heard music is great for unborn babies! You know the Mozart-effect? I want my baby to grow a genius. Maybe you could sing nearer to my belly so my fetus could hear you better?

Amarish signals for them to do so.

The three, still on their knees, scramble nearer. Their faces just inches from Mea's belly as they start to sing and chant again.

ADI
[bowing]
SPAWN ALMIGHTY!

PIPO
[bowing]
SPAWN MOST HIGH!

NICHO
[bowing]
DESTROYER OF HUMANITY!

ADI/NICHO/PIPO
UNLEASH YOUR MIGHT!

A loud, rumbling THUNDER accompanied by LIGHTNING is heard and seen as the trio put their hands on Mea's belly and ANNOINT her unborn child.

Mea sighs happily, seeing the three touch her belly.

MEA
Awww! You guys are so sweet! I'll make you ninongs during the baptism!

Amarish meanwhile raises her hands towards the sky as the first drops of RAIN fall to the ground.

A raindrop falls on Mea's forehead, then her belly.

Amarish turns to the trio.

AMARISH
[in ARAMAIC]
THE PROPHECY...IS FULFILLED!

The three stand up.

NICHO/PIPO/ADI
THE PROPHECY IS FULFILLED!

The three rejoice and dance in a circle around Mea, who happily claps and laughs at the scene before her.

INT. HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT

Kakam stops from his tracks.

CHAI
What's wrong?

KAKAM
I -- I don't know. I suddenly felt, chilly...

Chai looks up.

CHAI
That's because you're standing below the aircon vent.

Kakam looks up.

KAKAM
[steps back, scratches his head]
Oh, right.

They start to walk, but Kakam stops again.

CHAI
[impatient]
Marshall, what is it this time?

KAKAM
[holds his chest]
The chill is back, and no aircon vent is near.

CHAI
Hmmm...that's puzzling.

KAKAM
I don't know, Sydney, I think something is wrong.

CHAI
With your fiancee, you mean?

KAKAM
Yes.

CHAI
Look, from what I've gathered from the intel, everyone in the plane is still alive, so don't worry.

KAKAM
I know, I know. It's just that, when I get my hands on those pilots...

He clutches his fists.

CHAI
Hey, hey. Don't worry. You'll get your revenge soon enough.

They enter a SECRET DOOR, and inside a YACHT floats. Gen. Solis, smoking tobacco, faces them. He tosses them their assignments.

GEN. SOLIS
Agente Marshall, Agente Bristow. Su misión es recuperar a todos los pasajeros del plano. Permaneceré en el yatch. Usted dos debe nadarlos y tomar.

SUBTITLE: Your mission is to recover all the passengers of the plane. You two must swim and take them

GEN. SOLIS
Nadie se deben dejar detrás.

SUBTITLE:No one must be left behind.

GEN. SOLIS
¡Y repito, nadie!

SUBTITLE: And I repeat, no one!

GEN. SOLIS
Usted debe capturar a los dos pilotos...

SUBTITLE:You are to capture the two pilots...

GEN. SOLIS
Y tráigalos adentro para preguntar...

SUBTITLE:And bring them in for questioning...

GEN. SOLIS
Una vez que le convenzan de que son culpables...

SUBTITLE:Once you are convinced that they are guilty...

He blows on the tobacco and smiles evilly.

GEN. SOLIS
Después usted puede castigarlos y torturar mientras que usted ve ajuste.

SUBTITLE: Then you may punish and torture them as you see fit.

Kakkam nods. Chai appears confused but doesn't say a word.

KAKKAM
General, qué sobre divulgada el "otros?"

SUBTITLE: General, what about the reported "others?"

GEN. SOLIS
"Otros?"

SUBTITLE: Others?

KAKAM
Sí. "Otros." Seres misteriosos y supernatural que viven en la isla.

SUBTITLE: Yes. "Others." Mysterious and supernatural beings living in the island.

Gen. Solis thinks for a while as he sratches his beard.

GEN. SOLIS
Si no pueden ser matados usando los métodos naturales, justos déjelos sea.

SUBTITLE:If they cannot be killed using natural methods, just leave them be.

He smiles widely again.

GEN. SOLIS
Una vez que usted haya alcanzado las jefaturas, bombardearemos la isla...

SUBTITLE: Once you have reached the headquarters, we will bomb the island...

GEN. SOLIS
¡Declararemos guerra!!!

SUBTITLE: We will declare war!!!

Kakam smiles.

GEN. SOLIS
Ahora, déjenos van a la isla!

SUBTITLE: Now, let us go to the island!

INT. THE CAVE - NIGHT

The boys are at the mouth of the cave, still guarding. The girls are resting and asleep.

JR
Lakas ng ulan ah...

As if on cue, the sky groans angrier. Louder thunders. Flashier lightnings.

Henrik is leaning at the side of the wall, yawning. Most are snoring and tired. Only MR and JR are fully awake.

Benson slips from the entrance and starts to play with the rainfall.

BENSON
Wow! La-mig, la-mig! Gan-dah, gan-dah ah! Weiiieie!

He starts to run around. JR spots him.

JR
[to MR]
Shet, pare! Si Benson.

MR
Anak ng -!

JR
BENSONNNN!!!!!!!!

They take their SIBATS and run after him. MR is frustrated.

MR
San nanaman napunta yung lokong yon!?!

They walk for some meters, now very wet and tired. The mud is slippery and dirty.

MR
Syet! Ang putik! Kakahugas ko lang ng paa! Pagagalitan nanaman ako nito!

Rustling sounds...

JR
Shhhh - pare huwag ka maingay!

MR
Bakit, bakit?! May naririnig ka nanaman ba?

JR
Shhhhh!

The sounds of someone stepping on dead leaves and wood become louder until it stops right before them.

JR and MR stare at the BUSH, afraid of what's lurking behind.

JR
[quietly]
Ben-son?

MR slowly parts the bush.

Benson stands frozen. Teeth chattering. Eyes suddenly BIG. He is petrified.

MR
Benson?! Ano nangyari?

Stronger rain begins to fall. Benson's mouth chatters.

He points behind him. MR and JR follow his gaze.

BENSON
[stutters]
O-thoss--!

MR
Ha?

BENSON
[repeats, points behind him]
O-thosss! O-thossss! O-thossssssssss!

MR
Huwag ka mag-Koreano! Hindi kita maintindihan!

Lighting strucks to where Benson is pointing.

JR and MR peer from the bushes and they see THREE MEN and a WOMAN glowing.

Benson turns around, back to see the view. He points again.

JR and MR's eyes widen, now equally petrified.

BENSON
[clearer]
OTHERS!!!

----------------------
DAY 3:Burried Treasures, Hidden Trails

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Burried Treasures, Hidden Trails

2006-03-10T13:15:00.002+08:00

Day 3: Buried Treasures, Hidden Trails

EXT. SOMEWHERE IN THE WOODS – NIGHT

Chaotic shouting. Loud rustling sounds of grass and branches being stepped on.

JR
TAKBO! TAKBO!

Jr heaves as he looks back. MR is just behind him, still dragging a petrified Benson.

MR
Anak ng --- BENSON!

He pulls Benson’s arm, he doesn’t move.

BENSON
Othoossss! Othosss!

Heavy TRIBAL sounds echo from the spot were 3 man-figures and a woman are standing.

JR
Syettt! Syetttt!

MR
Yaw! Tulungan mo ako! Anak ng tipaklong yan! Ang haba ni Benson! Ang hirap hilahin!

JR runs towards them so he could help MR drag Benson. They run.

MR
Sabi ko na sainyo! Sabi ko na na may hiwaga sa gubat na to!

JR
Pare, syet…heavy….nakito mo ba yun? Ritual sacrifice! Pero ba’t walang dugo? Bat puro balat ng saging?!

BENSON
Othosss! Othosss!

MR
Eh! Magtigil ka!
[to JR]
Mukang mga maligno…o engkanto…ewan!

He suddenly grimaces.

JR
E-e-em?

MR
[clutching his chest]
Ahhhh –ahhhh!

JR
[stopping]
Em!

MR
Prutas! Prutas PRUTASSS! Ahhh puso ko—puso ko!

He grimaces.

MR
Aataki---a-a-taki---!

He collapses to the ground.

BENSON
[pointing at MR]
Sssst-rok! Strokkkk!

JR
Ano?

He looks down at MR in a seizure.

JR
Stroke!

Looks around, panicking.

JR
Syettt! Syettt! Pano na to?

INT. THE CAVE – DAY

Everyone is preoccupied dealing with last night’s drunkfest.

Brinie is wandering about, bawling.

LEN GO
Hush child! Where are your parents? Where's your daddy? WHERE'S YOUR DADDY?!

BRINIE
Buaaaaahhh!

NINA
Wow, that’s some hangover!

LEN GO
A child?! You let a child drink?

NINA
[shrugging]
I thought she was kidding when she said she was only twelve…

She looks around, frowning.

NINA
[walking away]
And has anyone seen a blue diamond necklace shaped like a heart? No? How about my parasol?

BRINIE
WAAAHHHHH! I want my ayahhh! I want my ----

Isa hears her and rushes to her side.

ISA
Mei-mei! You don’t have an ayah- what you have is an “atsi!” remember? Me! Or wait, is that a “ditsi?”
[hand on hip]
I’m totally having blonde moment...

She thinks.

ISA
Whatever, we’re sisters! Twins! Twins!

CAT-O/ARAM
You called?

They look at Brinie and Isa. Aram and Cat-o pouts, simultaneously putting their hands on their hips.

ISA
Oh, I wasn’t calling you two. I was referring to me and my sister.

He looks at Isa and Brinie.

ARAM
You mean…you two are twins?

ISA
Yeah. I only found out yesterday when I was reunited my fahhhh-ther.

INSERT SHOT

JO
[vader-voice]
I am your Fahhhh-therrrrr!

End Shot.

ISA
[hugging Brinie who is still crying]
Isn’t that just fab?

ARAM
Fab? No it’s not fab. It’s crazy! You can’t be twins! You don’t look alike!

CAT-O
Yeah! Twins are supposed to look alike, duh! Look at us, we’re identical.

They pose, fingers on their lips.

KARREN
[snorting as she cleans her gun]
That must have been one messed up mirror you were looking at…

ARAM/CAT-O
Excuseeee us?

KARREN
[raising her gun to inspect it]
You two don’t look anything alike.

An offended gasp from the twins.

CAT-O
[gaping]
How dare you! How dare you insult Mary Kate like that!

She pats Aram, who’s in near tears.

ARAM
Just because I dyed my hair brown and had recent eating disorder and got a bit smaller than her…

Cat-o's mouth falls open.

CAT-O
Smaller?! Just say it! Just say it. You think I’m fat don’t you?

ARAM
[wiping tears away]
Well, I didn’t want to say anything, but you collar bone’s been filling out…

Cat-o puts a hand around her neck, feeling the flesh. She gasps.

CAT-O
Oh-my-god, you’re right I can feel flesh in it!

She turns to Len M. and Karren.

CAT-O
Hey, how soon will the rescue team get here? I sooo need to set a date for my lipo. How are my cheekbones? Are they still hollow?

Len M. and Karren look at each other and then at the twins with distaste.

LEN M.
We're not even living on the same plane with them, are we?

KARREN
Not unless you're an expert on self-induced vomitting and wear jeans that show your ass crack.

Aram and Cat-o continue to primp.

LEN M.
Why don't we just find that nurse and ask for some...medication? I really need to get back on our plane of existence.

KARREN
You and me, Mars. You and me.

EXT. CAVE – DAY

CZA
Oh-mah-god! What do we do? What do we do?

HENRIK
Shhh! Huwag ka maingay! Di ako makacon-centrate!

They both look at Val who’s sleeping peacefully in a hammock. Two WOODEN CRUTCHES are on the ground. Her head is also covered by a TURBAN.

CZA
She can’t just wake up with…this! She’ll be traumatized! Oh-mah-god! I sooo need a chocolate right now! Ugh!

HENRIK
Ackk! Ano ba namang klaseng hang-over to! Ano ba kasing ininom niyo?! Binigyan ninyo nanaman ako ng bagong problema! Arghhhh!

INT. CAVE – DAY

Jacqui is tensed, fixing her nurse’s CAP and smoothing her WHITE uniform.

JACQUI
I’m sorry, but the Dr. is out.

LEN M.
We're just here to get meds.

JACQUI
What kind? Only paracetamols and mefanamics are available. We haven't replenished our supplies ever since the Japanese war in the Pacific during 40's. Even Pearl Harbor barely has ---

Len M. waves her off.

LEN M.
No Nurse Evie, we're not interested in those.

JACQUI
[confused]
Then which ones? Do you have a prescription?

Karren snorts, half-amused.

KARREN
We're talking about the special meds, Nurse. I'm sure you and the Doc have hidden 'em somewhere.

She scans the room.

KARREN
C'mon now, share the love.

Jacqui reddens and coils her stethoscope around her hand nervously.

JACQUI
Well we don't have those anymore! Dr. House confiscated all the ummm –

KARREN
Mary Janes? Ganjas? Weed? Happy leaves?

JACQUI
[flushing]
--illegal and immoral meds, this morning. Said he needed it for something.

LEN M.
Did he tell you what for?

JACQUI
No. But just between the two of us, he looked really fidgety. And not just because he’s limping…

KARREN
[suspicious, cocking her gun]
Fidgety huh.

INT. CAVE – DAY

ARAM
Don’t worry Ashley, we can have that fat sucked out once we get home.

Cat-o and Aram are looking in the mirror, primping.

CAT-O
I don’t know what that ex-con-slash-sociopath was saying, we sooo, look alike, right Mary Kate?

She pouts and frowns, turning to Aram.

ARAM
Right!

JEN
Hey, I have a twin. He doesn’t look anything like me.

CAT-O
[confused]
You mean, “she” doesn’t look anything like you.

JEN
No, “he.” As in male. As in “one with testicles.”

Everyone gasps.

LEN GO
[covering Brinie’s ears]
Not in front of the child!

JEN
Oh, sorry. Anyway, we’re fraternal twins, Michael and I.

ALL
Ahhhh…

ARAM
[whispering]
Ashy, what’s fraternal?

CAT-O
I don’t know, but just pretend you understand…

LEN GO
So, where is your twin?

JEN
He’s actually missing. He’s the pilot.

CAT-O
Cap’t Garcia is your twin?

ARAM
But that hot guy is missing since the first day! Along with his co-captain, the one with a black coat and shiny shades?

ISA
I find that one very hot too…

JEN
I heard that Arab guy is also missing. My husband was last seen with them.

CAT-O
Husband? You’re married?

JEN
Yep.
[shows her ring]
Mrs. Tobias Fünke

CAT-O
Is that German or something?

JEN
Or something. I wouldn’t know. Anyway, I’m getting really worried.

ARAM
[pats her]
Of course, your husband.

JEN
[distastefully]
No, my brother.

LEN GO
Ever seen that movie, “The Matrix?”

CAT-O
Oh! Oh! Where people suddenly disappear and just pop in and out of different dimensions?

LEN GO
Maybe that’s what happened.

CAT-O
[to Jen]
Your brother’s starring in a movie?! Oh-mah-god, I sooo want to date an actor!

Everyone looks at her.

LEN GO
Uhhh…no, what I meant was, maybe they’ve disappeared, like in the movie.

CAT-O
Oh.

LEN GO
This island’s so weird. You can’t trust anything here.
[creates a distance]
Or anyone…

ISA
She’s right. Anything’s possible. I mean, I just found out I have a father who’s like, just my age…

Everyone nods.

JEN
Anyway, I just hope Michael returns from wherever he is. I can’t solve family and money problems all on my own.

EXT. SOMEWHERE IN THE WOODS

MR is still lying on his back, eyes closed. Very, very still.

JR sits by MR’s side, eyes closed. He is SINGING to MR.

JR
Ako si MR. Suwabe… //Oh oh oh ohh grabe...//

JR pauses, scratching his BEARD.

JR
[peering]
Ano? Nag-react na ba?

BENSON
Uh-uh.

JR
[plops chin on hand, fingers tapping]
Hmmmm….pano kaya to?

BENSON
Try mo ibang kanta. Try mo.

JR
Osige.

He breathes heavily then starts.

JR
[singing]
Kamukha mo si paranuman…

EXT. THE BEACH – DAY

CAMS
I don’t know what came over me. I usually don’t drink that much. I maybe a social drinker, but I’m a responsible one.

JAM
It’s all right, something came over all the girls last night. So, what mysterious occurence do you have for me today?

Cams looks at her notebook.

CAMS
Jen has filed a missing persons' report. Her husband, her twin brother, the captain and the co-captain. Empress Tzu-Hsi also said her Arabian eunuch and his male companion are nowhere in sight. She’s pretty angry…

JAM
Tsk. That’s just what we need. Six people missing and one pissed off Asian blueblood. And where the heck is Gen. Solis and his men? They should have been here by now.

CAMS
Maybe they got sucked in by some enchanted vortex…

Jam looks at her.

CAMS
It’s a possibility.
[looks through her notes]
We’ve had sightings of polar bears, mysterious people, moaning trees and passengers gaining superpowers.

JAM
Superpowers?

CAMS
That Arabian eunuch of the Empress named…
[scanning her notes]
Moondah..Mundey? I don’t know how to pronounce this. Anyway, he can fly.

JAM
Grrr-eat. More controversy.
[rubbing her head]
Think you can keep off this off the press for a while?

They both look far north where Apol and GV are shoveling the sand.

CAMS
That’d be a challenge. But I’ll try.

EXT. THE CAVE - DAY

Henrik is pacing back and forth. Cza is biting her lip.

VAL
Can someone just tell me what’s going on?

CZA
Well see friend, you were drinking pretty hard. Turns out, you were allergic.

VAL
[eyes rolling]
Obviously, otherwise I wouldn’t be in this wheelchair.

CZA
But that’s not all.

VAL
What do you mean?

CZA
Errrr…
[grabs Henrik]
You tell her.

HENRIK
Ako? Ba’t ako?! Ikaw magsabi!

CZA
Pleaseeeee!

She pouts, tugs his arm. Henrik groans.

HENRIK
Fine! Akin na yung salamin.

Cza gets her bag and hands him the mirror.

He holds the mirror in front of Val’s face.

Cza moves behind her. She slowly takes off the turban.

CZA
I’m so sorry, friend…

Val looks straight into the mirror.

And screams.

EXT. SUPPLIES CAMP- DAY

KARREN
Yo Mars, check this out.

She brushes dirt from the ground and reveal miniature RELIGIOUS STATUES

Karren picks one up, scrutinizes it.

LEN M.
You know, those meds could surely fit in there.

KARREN
[chuckling]
Just what I was thinking.

She grabs a couple of statues and puts them in her bag.

Val's scream echoes…

Karren automatically draws her gun at the sound.

KARREN
What the fuck?!

She cocks her gun.

KARREN
Another one?

LEN M.
Pshh. It’s probably just one of the blondes breaking their nail or something. C’mon, we need to hurry. He might have used it all up.

They resume walking, but pause at the sight of THICK SMOKE seeping out of the tent. Len M. and Karren look at each other.

KARREN
Oh, no they didn’t!

LEN M.
Oh yes they did!

A FLASH from Len M’s. camera as she takes a picture of the tent in smokes.

KARREN
[she sniffs the air, pissed]
Selfish bastards!

LEN M.
You can say that again.

EXT. THE CAVE – DAY

Val is crying hysterically.

VAL
My hair, my hair!!!

HENRIK
Wala ka ngang buhok!

Val looks at him, quivers. Then bawls.

CZA
Way to go Mr. Sensitive!

She starts rubbing Val’s back.

CZA
[angrily to Henrik]
Is that how you plan to comfort me when I’m having a down moment? According to Oprah and Dr. Phil, I deserve better than this!

HENRIK
Ha?

VAL
I’m bald! I’m bald! I’m ---

She stops crying for a moment. Her eyes glaze then widen. She’s in a trance.

CZA
Uhm..what’s happening?

HENRIK
Malay ko!

They watch as Val calmly brushes her tears. She recomposes herself. Sits straight and squares her shoulder.

VAL
Hand me my turban.

Cza gives it to her and Val puts it on her head.

VAL
Now, you two help me with this thing.

She starts to adjust the wheels.

HENRIK
San tayo pupunta?

VAL
[knowing smile]
Into the woods.

EXT. THE FOREST – DAY

Jen is walking by the bushes…

MIKEL
Jen! Jen!

JEN
Huh? Who’s there?

MIKEL
Jen! It’s me!

DAVID
Yes, it’s us!

David and Mikel jump out of the bushes.

JEN
Bora boys? What –wha?

MIKEL
No, not Bora boys.

JEN
You’re not the Bora boys?! Then who –
[backing away]
Oh my god…

She grabs the nearest branch and starts waving it.

JEN
Get away from me! What have you done with the Bora boys?!

MIKEL
Nothing. Swear. We’re them…but not them. See I know it’s confusing but –

JEN
Len said not to trust THE ISLAND. And you can't fool me coz' I've seen the movie! You two, you’re…clones! Clones!

MIKEL
What?!

JEN
CLONES!

DAVID
Ahh! Woman, get a hold of yourself!

A GREEN flash. He takes off his Hawaian shirt then suddenly thrusts upward, flying to a high branch.

JEN
Whoa!

Mikel and Jen look up.

MIKEL
He didn’t tell me he could do that.

David is suspended in the air. He retrieves a black coat and something shiny. He smoothly lowers himself. He is radiating GREEN.

He wears the coat and puts on his shade.

DAVID
[low, low husky voice]
Let’s try that again. Who am I?

JEN
[whispers]
You’re THE ONE.

MIKEL
Sis! You’re married, remember?!

JEN
[flushing]
Oh right. I mean, err, yeah, you’re David.

David grins, elbowing Mikel as he thrusts a couple of clothes.

DAVID
Time to go corporate, beach boy.

Mikel makes a face but starts to strip.

MIKEL
Fine. Fine.

Inch by inch, he reveals his overly TANNED skin.

JEN
Please, bro. That couldn't have been just the sun.

He glares at her, then uses his shirt to rub off the faux coloring.

DAVID
You're right. It wasn’t easy bargaining for that bronzer.

Next, Mikel wears the long-sleeved shirt, leather shoes, trousers and lastly the TIE.

He turns around for their inspection.

MIKEL
So?

JEN
[smiling, clapping]
Welcome back, Michael Bluth of the Bluth Airlines and Frozen Banana Company.

MIKEL
Ergg…don’t call me Michael. You know I’ve reformed! I’m a rebel!

JEN
Oh, I’m sorry, Mikel. Why are you hiding anyway?

MIKEL
Because, some reporter’s been investigating the crash…

INSERT SHOT

EXT. THE FOREST– DAY

APOL
Bilisan mo! Bilisan mo! Exclusive scoop to!

GV
Ayan na! Ayan na!

END SHOT

EXT. THE FOREST – DAY

JEN
Oh, please, she doesn’t know anything.

DAVID
I smell something fishy…what’s going on here? What does she mean by that?

MIKEL
Nothing.

DAVID
I thought drunk-piloting was the reason for the crash?

MIKEL
It is, it is!

JEN
Oh, for the love of -! Look he set you up. We set you up. He intentionally crashed the plane coz’ so we could get lost in the middle of nowhere and mom wouldn’t be able to find us.

DAVID
[to Mikel, hurt]
You…what?! How could you? I thought you were my friend! I trusted you!

MIKEL
My mom wants me to take control of the company. I can’t. I don’t want to. You should understand! You’re heir to a gadget empire!

DAVID
And so? I love our gadget empire!

MIKEL
Well I don’t love our airplanes and frozen bananas empire!

JEN
I don't see the problem. Airplanes and bananas are both phallic symbols. You should feel all manly and powerful. I don't understand where this impotency is coming from, bro. Have you spending too much time with my husband, Tobias again? Next thing you know, you're wearing your undies in the shower!

MIKEL
Leave me alone, sis! I must pursue my own path. I don't want to be identified with airplanes and bananas. I'm a unique individual. I'm no conformist. I’m a REBEL! See my piercings?

He shows them the holes on his ear. David inspects it.

DAVID
[nodding]
Point proven. So you weren’t really drunk when you we’re piloting?

MIKEL
Well, maybe a little.
[dreamy]
Damn, that was some special mix…

DAVID
[nodding]
Uh-uh.

JEN
Hate to break the reminiscing boys, but I found out something that could pay for Dad’s bail.

MIKEL
Tell me it’s barrels of gold. Tell, me, tell me!

JEN
Better…

She turns and points south to an area with a thick foliage.

DAVID
Bananas?!

EXT. FOREST, BANANA AREA – DAY

A pregnant Mea is sleeping peacefully, lying on her side on top of a makeshift bed made up of banana leaves and branches.

The OTHERS surround her, guarding.

They don’t see a GIRL looking down on them from the top of a BALETE tree. The girl, GAB LIBANG, is wearing leaves for clothes, Eve/Jane-like. She is gripping a staff with a flag. The words “KKK” is printed on it.

Amarish says something to the OTHERS. They nod and leave.

Gab Libang stealthily climb down to the ground.

Amarish senses movement. Turns.

Gab let's out a Xena-like shriek.

GAB
Aya-yay-yay-yay! Sugod mga kapatid!

Gab Libang strikes her with the staff and Amarish falls unconscious.

Gab Libang whistles. A UNICORN appears, pulling a cart. She slowly carries Mea and puts her inside the cart.

Gab climbs the unicorn. Pets it.

GAB
Estupida, tara na sa kweba!

The unicorn neighs in agreement.

GAB
[kicking its side]
Aya-yay-yay-yay!

INT. SUPPLIES CAMP – DAY

DREW
How is it? How is it?

Drew is lying on his stomach as Tonio ghosts an incense stick all over his body.

Tonio is wearing surgical goggles, his nose is CLAMPED, affecting his speech.

TONIO
Nguwag ka nga mangulo! Ang irap-irap mong pah-u-tu-kan!

DREW
What do you want me to do? Sit pretty while weird, drawings appear all over my muscular upper body?

Tonio isn’t listening. He’s too focused on the MARKS on Drew’s body, becoming more prominent with every brush of the marijuana leaves and smoke from the incense stick.

TONIO
Endeh batah batah dwa-wing. Ta-u!

DREW
What? Take that soddin' thing off, I can't understand you!

Tonio removes the NOSE CLAMP.

TONIO
[shouting]
Tato!

DREW
Tattoos?!
[jumps from the cot]
You’ve got it wrong, Doc. Coz, my kink’s giving pleasure-pain, not receiving em’.
[dreamy]
Well…most of the time.

TONIO
Dakdak ka ng dakdak! Tingnan mo nalang sarili mo.

He thrusts Drew a mirror as Tonio puts on his NOSE CLAMP again.

DREW
BLOOOOOODY HELLL!

He is still in shock when Karren enters the tent. She peruses him.

KARREN
[perusing Drew]
Oh, this is priceless! Yo, Mars-girl, take a look at this circus freak!

DREW
Ey!

Len enters.

LEN M.
Whoa!

A flash from her camera.

DREW
Ugh, do you really have to do that, doll?

Len just shrugs. Karren props on the table, getting some leaves and inserting them into her bag then rolling them to fit inside the statues.

Tonio takes of his clamp nose.

TONIO
Oy! Oy! Ano yan!

Karren shows her gun.

TONIO
Ehehe. Please…take it all. Dami pa dun sa loob ng unan.

Len M. watches, giggles. Karren finishes and closes her bag.

KARREN
So, what happened to do the Aussie, doc?

TONIO
Hindi ko alam. Epekto ata ng alcohol. Pag-gising niya may mga sulat na katawan niya. Akala niya kinalmot siya noong si Rochelle. Lovemarks daw….

Len M. and Karren make a face.

DREW
What?! I can’t control how women react to my body!

TONIO
Tumigil ka nga! Sabi ni Rochelle, yung aritstang-musikerong si Jericho Rosales lang daw ang magagawa niyang makalmot, wala nang ibang lalaki. Kaya eto ngayon tong Australianong ito, natakot. Tumakbo. Hinatak ako para gamutin ang mga nakapagtataka niyang mga marka sa katawan!

DREW
Ey! I wasn’t scared. Was needing to piss, that’s why I was running.

LEN M.
All the way to the camp when there are bushes just outside the cave?
[fluttering her lashes]
Sure. Nothing to do with little body drawings that scared you big, brawny, man of a man!

DREW
Well aren’t you a sassy little piece of ----

KARREN
Shut it, you walking canvas.
[to Tonio]
What’s with the herb-fest?

TONIO
Napadapo siya sa halaman. Mas lalong lumabas yung marka. Kaya ayan, pinausuakan ko para mas malaman kung ano talaga yung nasa katawan niya.

Len M. gets up from her seat. Walks over Drew, circles him and starts taking pictures.

LEN M.
So what is it?

She moves closer to him, running a hand down his arm.

DREW
Ooooh, careful honey. That tickles.

LEN M.
[rolling her eyes, amused]
You’re in no position to flirt.

Scans his body marks, disgusted.

LEN M.
Trust me.
[turns to Karren]
Looks like a pattern.

All of them now circle him, curious. He pouts, suddenly very conscious.

DREW
Ey, back off! I’m not some soddin’ science project!

KARREN
Pattern. Do you know anyone who’s autistic? They could read this shit.

TONIO
Autistic? Wala. Mukhang autistic? Madami.

KARREN
[eyes rolling]
This is not good. We better report this to the She-Doc.

Tonio moves in front of Drew.

TONIO
Oy, teka, teka. Pasyente ko to! Ako mag-so-solve nito, hindi si Dr. Cuddy Co!

LEN M.
Well, he is head of Diagnostics.

KARREN
Fine. You take care of him. But I’m still telling her.

TONIO
Bakit pa? Ako na pinakamagaling sa field ko…

KARREN
[shrugging]
Second opinion never hurt.

Drew lies back down, smiling.

DREW
Female doc’s inspecting me?
[rests hands under his head, rubs his chest]
Not bad. Not bad at all.

INT. THE CAVE – DAY

BRINIE
Oh Daddy! Oh Daddy!

JO
Say it, say it Mei-Mei, say it!

BRINIE
[sniffing]
I will not drink again! I will not drink ---

She vomits on his lap.

JO
Mother fucker!

LEN GO
[o.s.]
Language!

JO
Oh…right. Sorry.

Brinie cries. Jo pats himself dry and comforts his daughter.

JO
There, there.

ISA
Hey pops!
[chewing a gum]
She’s still at it, huh?

Jo is rubbing Brinie’s back soothingly.

JO
For the last five hours. Been throwing up on me like crazy. How much did she drink?

ISA
[looks at his lap]
From the looks of it…...A LOT.

He frowns. Looks at her skimpy attire.

JO
And where do you think you’re going, missy?

ISA
[arching her brow]
Wow, you’re really digging this whole “I’m Your Fahhh-therrr” gig huh?

JO
Young lady, I may always be a rocker at heart - irresponsibly spilling my seeds to nameless groupies and fluzzies who throw me their underwear when on tour - but when the seed lands on fertile ground, grows and bears fruit, I am there, ready to harvest it! Do you get my drift?

ISA
No Pops, but it sounds very poetic.

JO
Well all I wanted to say was that…

He clears his throat, suddenly teary-eyed.

JO
[Yoda-voice]
A good father, I want to be. Responsible, I must become. Together, we must always be…!

ISA
Awwww, Daddy!

They hug.

JO
The FORCES are strong, but I don’t’ want to succumb into the DARK SIDE. It’s very suffocating to wear a mask, you know?

ISA
Yeah, like Mei-Mei’s favorite song goes,
[singing]
Why must pretend that I’m, someone else for all time…”

BRINIE
[perking up]
Oooh!

ISA/JO/BRINIE
[with voicing]
When will my reflection show, who am I inside…

The happy family smile at each other.

JO
So, want to tell me where you’re going?

ISA
Well, I’m gonna go with the twins and have walk around. It’s getting kindah stuffy here, not so good for the pores and all. This’ll be a good time for you two to bond.

JO
All right. Just, take care. Lots of polar bears and maniacs out there. And no more drugs till' next month!
[points a finger]
And try to stay away from bad boys!

Isa laughs and waves.

BRINIE
[weakly]
Daddy, how come my sister can date and I can’t?

JO
Well that’s because you have an arranged marriage. You’re already promised, dear.

BRINIE
Promised? To whom?

JO
Don’t worry, he’s Chinese. You’re betrothed to that boy from the Tze clan. Even the empress has approved.

BRINIE
The Tze’s?

JO
Yes. And that is why you must keep yourself pure at all times. Oh that reminds me! What’s your size? I have to order that chastity belt for you…

EXT. DEEP, DEEP IN THE FOREST – DAY

Henrik and Cza are pushing the wheelchair as Val points where to turn.

VAL
We’re getting nearer. I can feel it.

HENRIK
[hissing]
Dalin na natin to sa Doctor, nababaliw na ata to eh! May history ba siya ng schizophrenia?

CZA
Well, she was always into vampires and slayers so…ugh! Stop it nga!
[slaps his arm]
We have to be here for her, during these critical times! It’s a test of friendship!

VAL
[to Henrik]
You don’t believe, don’t you?

HENRIK
Believe? Believe what?

VAL
[looking straight across]
The truth is out there…

He stops. Kneels in front of her, and shakes her shoulder.

HENRIK
[worried]
Val…Vall?

No answer.

HENRIK
Errr…Scully?

Val smiles.

HENRIK
Ano na nangyayari sayo? Val? Nandyan ka pa ba? Val!!!!

CZA
[pushes him]
Stop it, Nick! You’re scaring her.

HENRIK
She’s scaring me!

VAL
[pointing]
There…

Henrik and Cza stop fighting and look at where she’s pointing.

She moves the wheels. Stops at the desired spot.

VAL
[whispers at the ground]
It’s beneath us.

CZA
What do you mean “it?”

VAL
The Hatch.

HENRIK
Ano?

VAL
[eerie smile]
Start digging.

EXT. SOMEWHERE IN THE WOODS-DAY

BENSON
Wake up, wake up!

He pokes MR’s side.

BENSON
Sige na Emmie-pie! Wake up! Uyy, gigising na si Emmie-pie, gigising na siya…oy, oy!

JR is lying on his back.

JR
Bens, tama na. Na-koma na siya. Wala na tayo magagawa.

The branches around them rustle.

JR sits up.

JR
”Nu yon?

Benson stops poking MR and quickly inches behind JR.

BENSON
Others! Baka others!

JR circles their surrounding. The rustling continuous. The leaves in front of them move.

JR and Benson back away.

MR moans.

BENSON
Em?! Emmie-pie!

They run to his side.

JR
Em?!

MR is now jerking wildly.

JR
Syett! Seizure!

He kneels down and POUNDS on MR’s chest.

MR spasms. SALIVA pools on the sides of his mouth. Benson claps happily.

BENSON
It’s working, it’s working!
[bouncing]
Itah pa! Itah pa Yaw!

Behind them, from the plants, a young woman appears unnoticed. She’s wearing a ARMY clothes and thick boots. There’s a SHOTGUN hanging on her back.

JR raises his fist, about to strike.

ANA
ALTO!

JR lowers his fist. He and Benson turn to her, surprised.

ANA
Who the hell are you people and what the heck are you doing in MY island?!

EXT. SOMEWHERE IN THE WOODS – DAY

APOL
Ay nako, ang bagal bagal mo! Kala mo ba madaling maghabol ng latest chikka?

GV
Sorry na nga! Eh gulong ng gulong yung bola ko eh!

He grips a battered VOLLEYBALL to his side.

APOL
Kung ako sayo, itatapon ko na yan!

GV
Aba! Eh kung ikaw kaya ang----

Apol suddenly covers GV’s mouth.

APOL
Shh! Huwag ka maingay!

They slowly walk creep into the thick bushes. Stop when they see Benson, JR and MR struggling inside a NET. They see the back of a woman with a shotgun.

When the woman drags the boys away, Apol smiles.

APOL
Kidnap!

EXT. THE OPEN SEA – DAY

Chai is in the ship’s control room, scanning the surroundings with her binoculars.

CHAI
Agent, take a look at this…

Kakam takes it the binoculars from her.

KAKAM
I don’t see anything.

CHAI
Exactly. No movement. But that’s not what the radar is saying.

He looks at the radar.

CHAI
Something is out there…

Kakam types something in his computer.

KAKAM
Or someone…

He prints out a piece of paper and hands it to her.

KAKAM
That’s a computer generated image of the object based on the readings.

CHAI
Too small to be a whale, too large to be a dolphin.
[looks closer]
And what is that? Is that…hair?

Suddenly, a female voice singing.

FEMALE VOICE
[o.s., singing]
Ah-ahhhhh…ah-hahhhh…ah-ahhh-ah-ahhhh-ah-ahhh-ahh ahhhh….

Kakam and Chai step out of the control room and then stand by the railings. Sees something RED floating in the ocean.

Their eyes widen as a GIRL emerges. Her chest is covered with two SHELLS. A yellow fish with blue stripes is swimming beside her.

A pebble-sized ORB is glowing in her throat as she sings.

BEA
[singing]
Out there they walk…out there they run…out there they stay all day in the sunnnnn….

A SPLASH. They see her lower half: a green TAIL.

Kakam and Chai are fascinated.

BEA
Wondering free…wish I could be….

CHAI
[awed]
…a mermaid!

Bea extends her hands to them. Glorious red hair framing her face, tail splashing.

BEA
Part of your….world…..!

A beat.

CHAI
Holy shit on Saddam Hussein’s toast! It’s Ariel!

BEA
Greetings to you creatures who can walk upright!
[holds her fingers in a sign]
I come in peace!

KAKAM
[gulping]
I’m calling The General.

INT. CAVE – DAY

ROCHELLE
[running]
Empress Tzu Hsi! Empress Tzu Hsi! Halika dali!

Tara rises from her RED TENT with RED LANTERNS.

TARA
Bakit? Tungkol ba ito sa paborito kong eunuch? Anong nangyari?

Rochelle bows.

ROCHELLE
Kamahalan! Sabi po noong kapusong reporter, na-hostage daw po ang inyong Arabong eunuch kasama ang Koreanong asawa ni Dela Cruz, Mary Kate Joy….

TARA
Dela Cruz, Mary Kate Joy?

Kate presents herself. Bows.

KATE
At your service, empress! Dela Cruz, Mary Kate Joy, you might also know me through my maiden name…. Kim, Buho-Jong-Ti?

TARA
Magsalita ka Dela Cruz, Mary Kate Joy o Kim, Buho Jong-Ti. Anong nalalaman mo?

Kate collapses to tears.

KATE
Kahamalan, may ni-report saamin si kapusong Ms. Guanyo. May isang babaeng guerilla ang nanghostage daw sa asawa ko. Nakita din po niya ang eunuch niyo at isa pang lalaking may bigoti…

TARA
Lalaking may bigoti? Ahhh, oo. Si Yaw, asawa ni Jen. Narinig kong nawawala rin siya pati na rin ang mga Bora-boys.

ROCHELLE
Kamahalan napakadami na pong nangyari simula noong magising tayo pagkatapos nating malasing. Pati ang inflatable Jericho Rosales ko po, nawawala.

TARA
Susmaryosep!

She fans herself.

TARA
Hindi iyan maari! Sino ang kumuha! Ipaputol ang paa!

ROCHELLE
Hindi ko po alam kung sino, kamahalan. Alam kong yakap-yakap ko lang siya noong gabi at pag gising ko, yung Australiano na ang kayakap ko!

TARA
Australiano?! Hmmmp!

ROCHELLE
Opo! Natakot nga po ako dahil may mga guhit siya sa katawan. Pinagbintangan pa niya akong nangangalmot! Love scratches daw! Please lang ha!

TARA
Nangangalmot?

She looks at her 12-inch long nails.

ROCHELLE
Errr…di naman po ganyan, kamahalan.

KATE
Kamahalan, mas mabuti po sigurong kausapin natin ang reporter para malaman natin kung ano talaga ang nangyari.

TARA
Tama. Gusto ko rin malaman kung ano nang nagyari sa aking eunuch. Baka napakadumi na ng kanyang paa! Halika, hanapin natin ang reporter. At huwag kalimutan ang mga lampara…maggagabi na.

EXT. DEEP IN THE FOREST – NIGHT

APOL
Wow naman! Grabe na talaga to'! Ohh-ver! Ang daming scoop sa isang araw! Di ko na kailangan si Papa Vic para sumikat ako!

GV just grunts.

They creep through the bushes. They stop when they’re a foot away from where Henrik, Val, and Cza are.

APOL
O, ano nanaman to?

Henrik has just finished digging. The three are staring at something.

Apol and GV move closer.

APOL
Dali, mag-ayos ka na!

Apol positions herself and faces GV as she pulls out a brush.

GV
Okay, game!

APOL
At ngayon, sa nagbabagang mga balita! Pagkatapos naming matuklasan na tatlong payat na mga kalalakihan ang na-kidnap ng isang Mexicanang na babaeng hindi malayong miyembro ng Abu Sayaff, isa nanamang nakapagtatakang pangyayari ang aming naabutan!

Shot of Henrik and Cza by the hatch.

APOL
Ang bagong kasal na si Nick and Jessica Lachey ay tumungo sa pinkaliblib na parte ng gubat upang….

Henrik pauses to wipe his sweat and then resumes shoveling.

APOL
….MAGHUKAY! Ngunit mga kapuso, maghukay ng ANO?

Suddenly, a BRIGHT STREAM OF LIGHT emerges from where he’s digging.

HENRIK
[backing away]
Jari lang! Ano yan!

CZA
I dunno! I dunno! But it’s soo pretty! I suddenly wanna dance jazz!

She pirouettes.

CZA
Supeh-starrh!

The light bursts around her, surrounding the area.

CZA
[jumping away]
Ick!

Apol and GV gasps.

APOL
Shokers! Dali, tawagin mo na ang network! Hindi na to basta-basta balita lang! It’s a state of emergency!

GV blows on a HORN.

Meanwhile, Cza observes the unearthed object.

CZA
Ick! It’s a door!

VAL
Yes. The door leading to The Hatch.

Val suddenly rises from the wheelchair.

HENRIK
Val---!

CZA
OH-mah-god! She can walk, she can walk!

Val walks towards the THE HATCH, only a door with a handle leading to an underground chamber is unearthed.

HENRIK
Teka, teka, anong gagawin mo? Val? Val!

Val bends down, the light from beneath radiating in her face.

VAL
[entranced]
It’s the path to our salvation…

She reaches for the opening…

JAM
[running]
STOP! Don’t open it!

Val’s hand falls from the handle. She’s confused.

JAM
You don’t know what’s in there! You don’t know what you can unleash!

The twins, Isa, Nina and Jac come running, pausing at the sight of the light from the hatch.

CAT-O
Oh-mah-god Ashley! I didn’t know they had tanning machines in the forest!

Jac meanwhile is running from Nina, ducking from her blows.

NINA
I swear to you Jac Dawson, if you don’t find my bling, I’m throwing you off our rescue ship so you could die from hypothermia!

JAC
[To Nina, pointing at the hatchet]
Errr, Rose, honey, maybe your blue diamond necklace is in there?

Nina looks at the Hatch.

Meanwhile, Jo comes running, carrying Brinie on his back, piggyback-style.

Jac spots Brinie.

BRINIE
[pointing at Jac]
Daddy, that man gave me a necklace.

Both Jo and Nina look at Jac.

NINA
You what?!

JO
You dare proposition my daughter?!

JAC
[hiding]
Shit!

Brinie gets off from Jo’s back.

BRINIE
Awww, Daddy! A thorn scratched my lily-foot!

JO
Man, they should child-proof this forest!

He sees Jac run away.

JO
And what did I tell you about dating? I said, you must remain pure as a lily! Lily like the size of your feet!

Isa is walking happily in her high heels, clutching an expensive purse.

CAT-O
[pointing]
Oh my God, I want those shoes she’s wearing!

ISA
[seeing Jo and Brinie]
Oooh! Family!

She hugs them.

ISA
[frowning]
Um, Dad, have you seen Bruiser anywhere?

JO
Sorry honey, your twin is a handful already. Dunno about Bruiser.
[distracted, searching]
What do you know about that Jac Dawson? Seems like a shady fella’ to me.

ISA
Jac? He’s a hustler and a total free rider, may it be boat, sub, jet or trike! I mean, he won his seat in the plane through a card game!

JO
[to Brinie]
Totally inappropriate company for one already betrothed!

ISA
Sis? You’re getting married?

BRINIE
Yes, my sister. To a merchant named Kevin Tze. His family is very powerful and influential, it will be a union of two great clans!

ISA
Err, yeah, whatever! We are soooo having a bachelorette party! Is that okay, Pops?

JO
As long as you don’t use the sabers in the living room for neon lights, I don’t see a problem.

ISA
Cool!
[to Brinie]
How do you feel about firemen and cops?

BRINIE
Huh?

ISA
Oh right, you dig men wearing chongsam, socks and braids. Don’t worry we can have the Olsens arrange that for yah!

From the south, Drew is running with a limping Tonio trailing him. He still has his surgical goggles on. Karren and Len M. follow closely.

TONIO
Dahan-dahan! Ma-iinfect ang mga sugatang sulat sa katawan mo!

A flash of something RED from the bushes. Tara appears riding her coach, surrounded by lamps. Len Go, Kate and Roach trail behind her.

She steps on the ground, eyes FLARING RED as she points at Apol.

TARA
Ikaw! Nakita mo daw ang ang eunuch ko? Nasaan siya, nasaan! Magsalita ka!

Apol ducks behind GV.

APOL
Syettt! Humahaba ang kuko!

LEN GO
Calm down, empress. Don’t kill the messenger!

Tara’s red eyes slowly normalize.

HENRIK
Ba’t ang daming tao dito?!

CZA
Yeah! What are you all doing here? You’re scaring Val!

She pats Val protectively.

CAMS
Well, we heard the horn…

GV drops his VOLLEYBALL and raises the HORN.

APOL
Pinatawag ko kayo lahat. Nakakatakot kasi, baka anong mangyari kung buksan niya iyan.

CZA
Hey, don’t you blame Val! She’s possessed!

TONIO
[to Apol]
Ano? Pinatawag mo kami dahil lang diyan? Maraming namamatay sa maling akala!

Drew curses, scratches his back.

DREW
Awww, doc! It itches!

TONIO
Huwag mong kamutin!

JACQUI
[offering leaves]
Doc, I have a cure!

ALL
NO!!!!

DREW
Awhhh! Doc, why don’t you just sedate me! You know I don’t like itches I can’t scratch.
[leering]
And I mean that both literally and figuratively.

KARREN
Jesus Christ! The man can still manage to flirt even when he’s freakin’ bleedin!

A flash from Len M. camera.

LEN M.
I say, bleed away! Looks good in prints.
[to Cams]
We can get a Pulitzers for this.

DREW
[swatting his arm]
Awww! Bloody hell! Now I’m drawing insects!

LEN M.
Ahh, Sawyer, surely they’re female ones.

The girls giggle.

Drew grimaces as he scratches. Then BLOOD splatters everywhere, almost bursting from every pore.

ARAM/CAT-O/ISA/NINA/CZA
EWWWWW!

A drop of Drew’s blood lands on Val’s forehead.

She touches her forehead, sees the red fluid on her fingers.

From afar, a WOLF howls from a cliff.

Val’s eyes change.

CZA
Blood!
[looking up at the moon]
Night! Oh no! Oh no-no-no-noo!

HENRIK
Ano nanaman?!

Suddenly, an animalistic SNARL. Val suddenly jumps and lands on him. She morphs into a vampiric guise.

BRINIE
[clutching Jo]
Ahhh, Daddy! Monster! Monster!!

JO
Dammit! I don’t have my saber here!

CZA
[clutching Henrik]
Oh my God, she’s becoming a vampire! Nick, stop flexing your muscles and do something!

HENRIK
Do what?!

CZA
I dunno!
[throws her hands]
Sing!

Henrik BURSTS into song.

HENRIK
All the loneliness has always been a friend of mine, I’m leaving my life in your hands…

JO
Dude, wrong band!

HENRIK
Ay! Errrr….

He thinks for a moment. Kneels in front of Cza and takes her hand.

HENRIK
I do...cherish you...for the rest of my life, you don't have to think twice...

ALL BOYS
[joining in]
He will, love you still...

CZA
[kissing his cheek]
Awww, Nick. That's our wedding song!

VAL
Raarrrr!

DREW
[holding Val by the shoulder]
BLOOODY HELL!!!!!!!! Stop! You idiots made it worse! She’s still in game face!

ROCHELLE
[to Tara]
Kamahalan, kalmutin mo nalang kaya?

TARA
[gasping]
Hindi ko dudumihan ang mga kuko ko para isang lamang lupa!

JAM
STAKE! Somebody, STAKE her!

Jacqui sees the heels of Isa’s shoes and grabs the shoe off her feet.

ISA
Not my Jimmy Choos!!!!

Jacqui ignores her, runs and strikes Val’s heart. Everyone gasps and freezes.

CZA
You hurt Val! Oh god, Nick, I can’t watch this!

HENRIK
[singing, hugging her]
It’s the hardest thing we ever have to do…

The shoe penetrates for a moment, then falls to the ground. All eyes follow the drop.

Val smiles a sinister vamp smile.

DREW
Oh bloodieee----!

JACQUI
Eeeek! It didn’t work!

TONIO
Oh eto!

He throws her a SCALPEL.

Jacqui strikes Val’s heart again. The scalpel just falls.

LEN GO
[slaps her forehead]
Jesus Christ!

Suddenly, a BURST of light…a BEARDED man appears, floating.

RANDY
You called?

JAM
[smiling]
Way to go, Lennilyne Go! You always think of something!

LEN GO
Hmm. I do, don’t I?

JO
[gives Randy a high five]
Yo man! Long time, no apparition, huh?!

RANDY
I know! How's the finger? How's the guitar?

JO
It's all good man. My fingers are trembling anymore.

He points at the guitar slinged on his shoulder

JO
And I'm totally rockin' it.

RANDY
Who's the babe?

Brinie waves.

JO
Oh, this is Mei-Mei Li, my daughter. See that chick? That's Isa, her twin.

ISA
Hi, God!

RANDY
Mighty fine child! All right!
[patting Jo]
Go forth and multiply!

JO
Well you know I always follow your commandments...

Randy nods, smiling.

JO
Hey, you’re all omnipotent right? And you work in mysterious ways! Help us kill the vamp!

RANDY
Yeah, but there's this sucky clause about free will and I can only work through people, so...

JAM
Then send us someone who can help, and be quick about it!
[sees Randy’s brow rise]
I mean, please, erm, God?

DREW
Oh balls!

He holds Val off as she tries to bite his neck.

DREW
God, help out a dude here. I'm not like you. And don't get me wrong, I love mankind. Especially the female variety, but I don't want to make any sacrifice for the entire human race just yet.

RANDY
But why, son? Don't you want to be with me in paradise?

DREW
I do. But remember my vow to beat Solomon's babe record? That's not easy! I'm only in the 500's range! Thousands to go!

The girls gasps.

RANDY
I understand. Err, hold on….

Randy closes his eyes. Opens them.

RANDY
Help is on the way! I've sent the Spirit to to aid you. And always remember, when you're feeling lost…follow the yellow brick road…follow the yellow brick road….follow the….

BRINIE
[mouthing silently]
Follow the yellow brick road….

Randy winks and disappears.

JO
[patting Brinie’s]
That’s a girl! Pure, obedient, religious.

VAL
Rarrrr!

DREW
Ahhh! Fangs! She’s gonna bite me! She’s gonna bloody vampify me! Ahhh! Where is the bloody reinforcement God promised?

Suddenly, a flash of GREEN. Jen, David and Mikel appear.

JEN
Huh? Where are we?

DAVID
[fixing his shades]
We’re back in The Matrix.

ISA
[seeing David]
Oh-mah-god! It’s God’s promised one! How’s my hair?

JEN
[seeing Val on Drew]
Is that what I think it is?

DAVID
Yes, vampires, like ghosts, also exist in this realm. They’re nothing but anomalies.

DREW
Are you blind people? A little help here!

Val’s snarling becomes ferocious, Drew is weakening.

LEN GO
[to Mikel]
You! You know some holy songs?

MIKEL
Well, yeah, but not anymore. But I’m a rebel now. See my pierc---

LEN GO
Later. Right now, I need you to sing!

MIKEL
Sing? But…I don’t have a guitar.

JO
Yo!

Jo throws Mikel his GUITAR.

CAT-O
Oh-mah-god, he is soooo hot!

ARAM
Ugh, sister! I’ve got first dibs on him!

JEN
[eyes rolling]
He’s not just some shoe you can claim, you know?

TONIO
Tama. Mga babae lang yon.

NINA
[calling from a distance]
How dare you!

Len Go taps her foot and looks at Mikel.

LEN GO
Well, what are you waiting for?

MIKEL
[looking at the crowd]
It’s been a while. And there are so many people…

JO
I can sing!

ALL
NO!!!!

LEN GO
Look Mikel, Now is not the time for stage fright, Mr. Sawyer is about to die!

Val is choking Drew.

DREW
Hel-lo??!!!

MIKEL
Right.

He strums his guitar.

MIKEL
Ummm, first of all, I would like to dedicate this song to ---

LEN GO
Get on with it!

MIKEL
Oh, right.

He clears his throat, strums the guitar and starts to sing in ARAMAIC.

MIKEL
If we hold on, together // I know our dreams, will never die….

Everyone catches on. Holds hands, raise them and SWAY.

ALL
[in Aramaic]
Dreams see us through, to for-e-verr…

Val GROWLS.

All scream and break apart.

CAT-O/ARAM
[hugging each other]
Oh my god! We’re gonna die! We’re gonna die!

KARREN
Idiots. He’s gonna die.

DREW
Thank you for pointing the obvious! Awww, bloody hell, she’s scraping my ear off!

VAL
Rarrrrr!

TONIO
[to GV]
Pare, lalo atang lumalala. Batohin ko nalang kaya ng bola sa ulo yung bampira.

They look at the VOLLEYBALL with a SMILEY lying next to GV.

GV
Si Wilson?!
[runs amok]
HINDI PWEDE SI WILSON! WILSONNNNNNNN!!!!!

Mikel attempts again. His eyes closed, really feeling and giving it all this time.

MIKEL
Where clouds, roll by…For you and….

DREW
WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP! IT’S NOT WORKING! I’M FUCKING DYING!

Karren sits on a rock, chewing her gum and watching.

KARREN
Man, this is way better than getting stoned.

TONIO
Oist, barilin mo nalang!

KARREN
Nah, maybe later. I wanna watch.

ARAM
Homicidal maniac!

DREW
[trying to throw Val off]
Hell and damnation! Let go, bitch! Let go! I said let---awww! Who the hell threw that rock?!

CZA
Don’t call her bitch, you…bitch!

Val lunges at Drew again.

They fight and claw at each other. They roll on the ground until Drew’s back bumps into the hatch’s opening.

A BOOMING machine-like sound.

The blood on Drew’s body disappears. Val’s fangs retract. Her face is human again.

The sound stops.

Val’s suddenly disoriented and looks down on Drew who’s relieved.

DREW
[checking his body]
Blood’s gone! Oh yeah! I’m a sexy beast again!

Len M. rolls her eyes as she takes a picture.

LEN M.
And you’d think after an N.D.E, he’d change…

DREW
[to Val]
You all right, doll? You sure were nasty, feisty little’ vamp. Luv’ the ‘do, by the way.

VAL
[blinking]
Who are you?

DREW
So that’s how you wanna play it after our violent romp?! I feel used, really!

Val slowly gets off him and fixes her TURBAN. Sits down protectively near the hatch and goes into a trance-like state, ignoring him completely.

DREW
[snorts, standing up]
Talk about getting hot and cold, that frigid little bi--….awww! What now?!

CZA
You were gonna say it!

DREW
[throwing his hands up]
WOMEN!

He walks back to the group. They back away.

DREW
Oh bloody hell! What now?!

JO
Dude, you’re like glowing!

Drew looks at his body. The drawings are GLOWING.

DREW
Uhhhh…doc?

Tonio starts to walk toward Drew, then stops. He holds his leg.

TONIO
Oy, nawala na bali ko!

A WEIRD EXPRESSION on his face.

ARAM
Oh my god, Dr. House is SMILING!

All gasps.

JAM
Are you getting all this?

CAM
[writing]
Every word, Dr. Cuddy Co.

INT. THE SHIP – NIGHT

Bea is in a TUB. Chai and Kakam are interrogating her. A smaller fish swims frantically beside her.

BEA
Stop it, Flounder!

Flounder stills.

BEA
That damn fish can be so irritating.

CHAI
So, you admit that you were following us?

BEA
Yes.

KAKAM
Are you a spy? A genetically modified human being made by the Russians?

The girls throw Kakam a look.

CHAI
Agent, she’s a mermaid. A mermaid. You know, beautiful mythical creatures who supposedly lure sailors to their doom? Stop blaming the KGB for everything!

Kakam frowns but relents.

CHAI
What is your name?

BEA
My royal name is Ariel, but you can call me Bea for short.

CHAI
Errr, right. So where did you come from…Bea?

BEA
Deep in the ocean, not in the abyss mind you, but from my father's aquatic kingdom, .

KAKAM
Who’s your father?

BEA
His real name is Poseidon, but people call him Triton for short.

CHAI
King Triton…
[shaking her head]
I always knew those Disney films were real…

Kakam sighs.

KAKAM
Nothing here makes sense. What is that on your neck?

BEA
Oh, this?

She holds a necklace with a blue DIAMOND heart.

BEA
Flounder found it. He said it just suddenly appeared in our stash. We’ve got lots you know – ship wreckage, gold, jewelry, shoes, pearls, swords, Van Gogh paintings. We recently added a human-sized and shaped salbabida we saw floating last night. You name it, we have it.

CHAI
Still, that’s a pretty huge rock.

Chai holds the necklace up for inspection.

BEA
It’s real. I had Great White bite it, and its teeth came off.

CHAI
[amused]
Beats soaking it in vinegar, I suppose.

BEA
It came with a drawing of a nude woman reclining on a couch wearing this.

She holds it up. Pauses for effect and smiles.

BEA
Wearing ONLY this.

KAKAM
[gulping, spellbound]
I’m married.

CHAI
Knock it off, Agent, you’re being lured.

Kakam recovers.

KAKAM
Stop luring me!

BEA
[shrugging]
I’m a siren. It’s in my nature.

CHAI
Here comes General Gabriel Solis.

Gabby enters, puffing a cigar.

They salute.

BEA
Gabriel Solis, hmmm…

Her TAIL suddenly TWITCHES uncontrollably.

GEN. SOLIS
[to Bea]
Ola. Como te llamas?

SUBTITLE: Hello. How are you called?

BEA
Me llamo, Bea, pero mi nombre es Ariel.

SUBTITLE: I am called Bea, but my name is Ariel.

GEN. SOLIS
Hmm...

He sits on the TOILET, motioning for them to continue as he smokes.

CHAI
So, why were you tailing us?
[sees her flap her tail]
No pun intended.

BEA
Don’t worry. I’m used to it, with all the “Something smells fishy” jokes I’ve heard from humans.

General Solis grins. Bea’s tail twitches again.

BEA
I’m waiting for my human lover. His name is Eric. I was hoping this could be his ship. That’s why I was following yours.

KAKAM
Sorry to disappoint.

BEA
[looking at Gabby]
Who says I am? You know, I used to date a mer-man named Gab, so…

She winks suggestively, tail twitches more.

General Solis smiles a little as he puffs his cigar, watching her.

BEA
[to Chai]
You’re going to THE ISLAND, are you?

CHAI
How do you know?

BEA
Ships always sail here attempting to get the treasure from the island. But no one ever comes back. No one human anyway.

KAKAM
What are you saying?

BEA
A lot of weird, unexplainable things happen in the Island. Beings who look human also live there. Some scientists tried to do tests there, calling it the Dharma Initiative.

KAKAM
What did I tell you? KGB!

CHAI
--Agent, please.

Kakam frowns.

BEA I
Anyway, that happened like some decades ago.

CHAI
Where are the scientists?

BEA
Dead.

Silence.

CHAI
You're sure?

BEA
Yes. I have their bones in my stash to prove it.

Gabby is affected. Smokes heavier, puffs faster.

BEA
They tried to escape, but couldn't. So I’m telling you right now, once you’re in the island, you can't get out. Not even if you build a raft, sail and hope other humans will find you. Chances are, Ursula will find you first and that's not gonna be pretty...

CHAI
Uhh, shit.

KAKAM
But logically if there’s a way in, there’s also a way out.

BEA
Logic doesn’t follow in THE ISLAND. Trust me, go back.

KAKAM
We can’t. We are rescuing people.

BEA
You can’t. There’s no way. Unless you have a human map.

KAKAM
A human map?

BEA
The old ones say the only way out is through a human map. That’s all I know. I wouldn’t know. I’m not human. I’m a mermaid.

She starts singing, throat glowing GOLD.

BEA
Ah-ah-ahhh…ah-ah-ahhh, ah-ahhh-ahhh…

She flaps her tail.

KAKAM
Well, we’re taking a risk. There are people there waiting for us. My wife is waiting for me.

BEA
Well, it’s your death wish.

CHAI
Is there anyway you can help us?

BEA
I can offer you safe passage going there. Dad hates ships coz' it blocks the sun when he's trying to get a tan so he tends to send tidal waves. But don't worry about it, I'll have some cetaceans escort you.

CHAI
[wryly]
They don’t happen to be named Flipper and Free Willy, do they?

BEA
How’d you know?

EXT. DEEP IN THE FOREST – NIGHT

David is inspecting The Hatch. He touches the handle. Val watches suspiciously.

DAVID
I’ve never seen a model like this. Looks old. Smells old. Ancient even.

He taps it.

DAVID
It uses an element not found in the periodic table…

ALL
Ooohhhh….

DAVID
And it emits some kind of radiation that heals. Hence, exhibit A.

He points at Tonio who grunts.

ALL
Ahhhh…

DAVID
The quality of its machinery is superior, if you ask me.

He gives Val a CALLING CARD.

DAVID
If you’ve figured out what element this is, give me ring and we’ll talk business. The discovery can be mutually beneficial. I’ve got a gadget empire and you want a new laptop. I’ll cut you a good deal.

David brings out his calculator as he walks away. Val looks at the card, bewildered.

Around them, some have set up camp. Most are napping. Others litter around, not knowing what to do.

APOL
Halika, hanap tayo bagong scoop.

GV
Pagod nako! Day-off naman o!

BRINIE
[yawning]
Daddy, I’m sleepy. I think it’s past my bedtime…

ISA
Has anyone seen my dog, Bruiser?

MIKEL
Sis, can I take off my tie? Rebels shouldn’t restrained, you know…

Len Go watches, angry.

LEN GO
Ahhh! People! Is no one here wondering at all what’s happening? Am I the only one who’s rational here?

ARAM
Well, you said you enjoyed Fr. Que’s class…

HENRIK
Shet, huwag mo nga paalala! Ang daming thesis statements non ah!

LEN GO
People! Aren’t you even alarmed? Mea’s been kidnapped! Some of us are getting super powers ----

DAVID
I’ve always had powers. But I had to keep it a secret. Otherwise Agent Smith might notice.

LEN GO
Some are getting sick. Others are getting better. The lame Doc can walk ---

TONIO
[rising]
Ngayon? Anong masama doon? Di ko na kailangan hanapin batuta ko!

LEN GO
----People are disappearing. Things are getting lost -----

ISA
Bruiser!

NINA
The heart of the ocean!

ROCHELLE
Si Jericho!

GV
[bewildered, looking around]
WILSONNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!

LEN GO
[still ranting]
----God appeared. Val just turned into a vamp, Drew almost died, now he’s glowing ---

ARAM
And Ashley’s getting fat!

Cat-o gasps.

LEN GO
---I don’t know why you’re all so lax. We have to do something. Fast.

CAT-O
[touching her collarbones]
I sooo totally agree!

JAM
Lennilyne Go is right, as always. But as the leader, I propose that ---

MR
[o.s.]
TULONG!!! TULONG!!!

TARA
Kaboses yon ng eunuch ko!

APOL
Ohhh may gasshhh! Sila yan! Ang guerilla!

The bushes part as ANA appears. She’s pulling a thick NET. Benson, MR, and JR are inside, squirming, struggling.

LEN M.
[taking a picture]
Tsk. Curiouser and curiouser…

MR
Nayko po! Tulong, tulong!

JR
Aray, Benson! Siko mo!

BENSON
Emmie-pie! I’m scared!

JAM
[to the crowd]
Everyone, stay close.

Everyone huddles together. The group divides into 2. Jam’s side and Ana’s side.

Val is at the middle, crouching over the hatch.

CZA
Val, come here!

VAL
[in a trance]
I do not part with The Hatch.

HENRIK
Hayaan mo na…

Ana peruses the group, draws her gun.

ANA
Who are you people? Who speaks for you?

Jam steps up.

JAM
I do! I am the people’s representative.

She poses, Cory Aquino style.

Ana gives her a once-over.

ANA
Like a president, huh? Never cared much for politicians.

She aims her gun at Jam who flinches.

Jam looks around, grabs the first object she can find: a figurine on the ground.

Karren looks at her bag. It's open, the contents spilling.

JAM
[raising the figurine]
Ha!

Ana sees the figurine. She gets angry.

ANA
[crossing herself]
Santa Maria! You dare?

Jam looks at the statue carefully. A Virgin Mary.

She is shocked.

Karren walks to the front suddenly grabs the figurine from Jam.

KARREN
Better let me do the talking She-Doc.

Karren tosses the figurine to Len M.

Joints slip and fall to the ground.

Jacqui gasps.

ANA
[frowing]
That is not a suitable place to hide maria-juanas!

KARREN
[shrugging]
Seemed like a fine idea at that time.

She scrutinizes Ana who lifts her chin. They are a meter apart, with Val between them, looking up.

Karren coolly cocks her gun, examining it.

ANA
Who are you?

KARREN
Could ask the same about you.

She chews her gum, relaxed.

Ana and Karren assess each other, each holding their guns to their faces, preparing to strike.

ARAM
[whispers]
Oh-mah-God, Ashley, it’s like that John Woo movie! What was that again?

MR peers through the net.

MR
“Face Off!” Kulang nalang kalapati!

Ana kicks him. MR groans.

TARA
[gasping]
She dare kick my eunuch?!

LEN GO
Now is not the time empress…

Ana turns back to Karren.

ANA
I am Ana Lucia, I am Mexican, and I am an ex-cop and I am a killer.

The crowd gasps.

Karren considers her words.

KARREN
You killed, huh.

Ana raises her chin.

ANA
I do not apologize for shooting a man who killed the unborn child in my womb!

ALL
Awwww!

KARREN
And you have a kink for guns?

Ana nods.

Karren loosens up.

KARREN
You can call me, “K.” I’m no Mexican, but I’m an ex-con and a killer. I also don’t apologize for killing my perverted stepfather who turned out to be my real father.

The crowd gasps, backs away from Karren.

ANA
You killed.

KARREN
Yeah, and I loved every minute of it.

CAT-O
What did I tell you! Psychopath!

KARREN
Nice toy you’ve got there. M-16?

Ana nods.

ANA
Your 45’s not bad either.

Karren smiles.

KARREN
Ex-cop. You won’t be running back to the force to tell on me, are you?

ANA
I don’t believe in the system anymore.

KARREN
That makes two of us. Well then…

They draw their weapons back. Karren tucks hers behind her jeans. Ana slings hers on her back.

JAM
[whispering]
What’s happening, K?

KARREN
It’s cool.

She points at Benson, Jr and MR.

KARREN
Wanna free the stoodges?

ANA
’they your men?

KARREN
[snorting]
Hardly. More like the Empress’s pet slaves.

TARA
Pakawalan sila!

ANA
The nets are enchanted. Only my knife can cut through them.

JAM
Well, what are you waiting for? Even prisoners of war have rights, you know.

ANA
Of course I know. I let them pee and I fed them bananas. But I lost my knife while trying to slice off more fruit. It slipped. Couldn't find it. You don't happen to have something enchanted to cut through the net?

Jam thinks. Len Go leans over and whispers to Jam.

JAM
[eyes widening, nodding]
Now would be a good time to use those nails, Empress.

Tara uses her 12-inch nails to cut the net. The boys slowly stand up.

BENSON
Weee! We’re pwee! We’re pwee!

LEN GO
Why did you capture them in the first place?

ANA
I thought they were part of the “Others.” They were lurking in the woods.

JR
Hindi no! Nakita namin yung isa naming kasamahan, si Mea! Buntis! Kasama niya yung mga “Others” na naka hula-skirts!

ANA
You could have said that earlier.

JR
Eh takpan ba ang bibig naming ng saging at damo!

MR
[spitting]
Pueh! Lasang pwet ng kabayo!

INSERT SHOT

EXT. DEEP IN THE WOODS – DAY

Gab Libang watches Mea stir in the wooden cart. Gab then gets off the UNICORN, ties the reins around a banana tree and feeds the creature.

It takes a DUMP on the leaves.

MEA
[dreaming]
So long…so slippery…so delicious…mmmm….

Gab watches and shakes her head. The unicorn neighs.

MEA
[dreaming]
Ooohhhh bananas…ummm…

The unicorn neighs again.

END SHOT

MR
Pueh! Pueh! ---Aray!

He whirls at Tara.

MR
Bakit?

TARA
[eyes blazing red]
NASAAN ANG SAPATOS MO?!

MR looks at his bare feet.

MR
Anak ng!

BENSON
Kinuha ng othoss! Othoss!

KATE
Husband!?

Benson stops bouncing. Straightens.

BENSON
Dela Cruz, Mary Kate Joy?!

KATE
Jin, Son of Robin! My Husband! Nagbalik ka na!

They embrace. He suddenly pulls away.

BENSON
Teka, ba’t ka naka tanktop?

JR meanwhile scratches his head, walks to Jen.

JR
Errr…, honey.

JEN
[holding her hand up]
Oh please, Tobias, don’t even bother.

Ana sits on a rock, watching the people.

ANA
What is happening here? Why is that blond man glowing and leering suggestively at me?

All look at Drew.

DREW
Hello, luv.
[grinning at the attention]
Quite a sight, innit?

JAM
[to Ana]
We don’t know for sure.

Len M. is fiddling with her camera, then frowns.

LEN M.
I think I know.

She shows them the captured pictures.

LEN M.
I think it’s a map.

Drew, Karren and Jam look at it.

JAM
It is a map. Good work, Mars.

LEN M.
Yeah, still the million dollar question is – it’s a map of what?

The Hatch glows again, PULSATING.

Val peers at its window.

CZA
Uhhh, guys?!

She points. They all look at Val.

JAM
But we can’t just open it. Something might happen. Something bad.

MIKEL
Like a plane crashing to an unknown island?

JAC
Like a ship hitting an iceberg?

ARAM
Like MJ getting another rhino?

Suddenly a load ROAR.

KARREN/ANA
[both cocking their gun]
What the fuck!

MR
Anak ng --!
[pointing]
OSO!!!!

A BLUE BEAR appears some meters away.

MR
Osong azul! Azul!

JR
Em, hinay hinay lang, ang puso, ang puso!

The blue bear roars.

CAT-O
Oh-my-god! It’s Muzzy! It’s Muzzy!

HENRIK
Oo nga! Si Muzzzzy!

BENSON
[clapping]
Awww, ang cute, cute naman niyan!

JACQUI
I thought Muzzy’s just a Spanish cartoon?

JO
Crazy shit happen in this island.

CAT-O
Uhh puh-lease, I always knew he was real!

Len M. takes a picture of Muzzy, then frowns.

Muzzy roars again and takes a step.

The ground trembles. Muzzy starts to grow the size of GODZILLA.

LEN M.
Um, am I just stoned or is Muzzy really growing bigger?

All gaze up and see Muzzy now towering over them.

DAVID
It’s another anomaly in the matrix!

ISA
[clutching David]
Save us, Neo! Save us!

David adjusts his shades and leather coat, and charges.

MR
Ako rin!

Cue: SUPERMAN MUSIC.

They both charge at Muzzy.

DAVID
Use your rays!

MR
Use your shades!

MR emits a RED rays from his eyes. David raises his shades and emits GREEN rays.

The rays hit Muzzy. Muzzy GIGGLES.

MUZZY
Hi-hi-hiiiiiee!

MR
Prutas! Nakiliti!

DAVID
Let’s use our superhuman strength!

They charge with fists aiming at Muzzy.

But they bounce back. They try again. Nothing.

MR
Prutas!

They float in the air, thinking.

DAVID
[shouting down]
We can’t go through! He’s using some kind of protection!

Drew searches his pocket.

DREW
What kind? I only have a couple of Trojans here…

Both David and Mr lower themselves to the ground.

MR
Gumagamit si Muzzy ng mabisang shield! Masyadong malakas, di namin kaya!

JO
[suddenly entranced, Yoda-voice]
Dark is the force…. So strong, it is….so strong! … Calling me, it is…calling me…

Jo starts to walk to Muzzy, reaching for him.

Muzzy spots Jo, reaches for him too.

MUZZY
Dahh-dahhh…dahh-da!

Brinie stomps her feet, pouts and whines.

BRINIE
He’s NOT your Daddy! He’s MY Daddy!

JO
[entranced, Yoda-voice]
Me Muzzy needs…take care of Muzzy, I must…

ISA
SNAP OUT OF IT POPS!

Jo recovers.

JO
Naaayyy!

He runs back. Muzzy sniffs, reaches.

MUZZY
Dahh-dahhh!

JO
HINDI! HINDI AKO ANG TATAY MO!

Muzzy stomps, now angry. The stomping creates a mini-earthquake and everyone screams.

TONIO
[spotting Ana and Karren]
Hoy, mga mamamatay tao! Barilin niyo! Patayin niyo!

Ana and Karren climb the trees and start shooting.

The bullets merely fall to the ground. David picks up a bullet. Looks up, thinking.

DAVID
Why does that effect look familiar?

Muzzy pounds his chest.

CAT-O
Oh mahh God, he’s turning into King Kong! Ick!

Len Go perks up with an idea.

LEN GO
Quick! Grab a virigin! Sacrifice a virgin! That always works!

Everyone looks at Brinie.

BRINIE
[crossing arms over chest, haughty]
Not me, I’m betrothed.

Everyone looks at Jo.

JO
Wha-?! I’ve got KIDS for Christ’s sake!

Muzzy roars more.

MUZZY
[pounding its chest]
Muzzy es hambre! Muzzy is HAMBRE!!!!!!

CAT-O
Oh-mah-god, not good not good!

JAM
Why? What did it say?!

CAT-O
That freak of nature is HUNGRY!

All scream.

CAMS
All in favor of Val opening the mysterious hatch?

All raise their hands vigorously.

CAMS
Right, that’s what I thought.

*End Day 3*
---------------------
~ DAY 4 on the works ~

Author's Note:

Hello kiddies. First of all, I want to APOLOGIZE if I’ve offended (again!) those with “sensitive sensibilities.” More so with the religious aspect (Mama Mary statue), but if you watch LOST, the TV show, you’ll understand that the idea didn’t come from me (I’m a Catholic, and I do respect the Holies, believe it or not).

And, to the people who would most likely want to kill me after reading Day 3: Mikel – for the The Rebel/Rocker bit; Brinie and Jo – for the incestuous undertones; and Drew for making his character oversexed.

Oh and probably Henrik too, for making him sing :P

I can’t help it guys. The qualities of your characters are so interesting and so flexible, it’s such a joy to explore. Heh. And even I myself don’t know how the heck I end up writing their lines (Errr, NO. I don’t wanna justify Mea’s wet dreams about bananas). I just write what they tell me to :P .

Day 3 was pretty long and was a product of the Milennio storm, lots of rewriting and editing. For almost 3 days I was finishing this part in Starbucks. I wanted to cut it to 2 because it’s so long, but then I thought of another plot for Day 4. So what the heck!

If you find Day 1 plain crazy, Day 2 pretty hilarious and Day 3 just freakin’ insane, well wait for Day 4 and Day 5 (end). They’re just, whacked!

Once again, I want to apologized anyone in advance/belatedly. Although if you’re one of those literary types who can read between the lines and understand undertones, styles, symbolisms, techniques, and all that crap, then you’d know that I gave you readers some sense of retribution : you all wanted to kill VAL the VAMP. You guys were really out for blood. Eheheh. And well, “she” deserved it.

Hieehie. Till’ day 4 kiddies!

Xxxoxxx
Mr. Krueger-Smith
10-06-06, Thursday